My friend asked the question out of the blue. I was spending the night with my friend, Larry, and I was lying on a twin bed in the corner of his room.
“What do you think about your mom being gone?” he asked.
It didn’t strike me as a difficult or important question, but something about the experience has burned everything about it into my memory. I was about 10 or 11 years old. Although my mother had been away from us off and on for years, the divorce had been final only for a year or two. She had no custody or official visitation.
I considered Larry’s question for a long moment. I felt very cold. Very hard. There was no emotion in my voice.
“I couldn’t care less if she moved to the Sahara Desert,” I said.
That’s all I said and Larry didn’t ask any more. It’s a good thing, because I might have cried if he had pushed to know what I meant. I was confused. I couldn’t tell if I felt nothing or if I felt more than I could handle. I swept the feelings under a rug in my heart — and I left them there.

My love of ‘fur friends’ stems from the callousness I saw in my father
I have a history of ignoring signs that warn me it’s time for change
Rights or choices? It might be time to re-frame the debate
Just give us fake, happy smiles; who wants to hear your feelings?
There’s pain in many faces I see, as reality doesn’t match dreams
Can you spot the change in this video? Most can’t — and most don’t notice the world changing, either
Liberal NPR, PBS? Why should tax money pay to influence culture?
Why did we slowly let them strip our neighborhoods of most trees?
When will you admit that a constitution can’t control state?