I had dinner Saturday with a friend. She was already seated when I arrived.
“You look terrible,” she said, almost laughing. I didn’t disagree with her, but I was surprised it showed so easily.
I haven’t been sleeping well. When I do sleep, my dreams are often confusing. I wake up feeling as though I’ve been wrestling with something which leaves me exhausted. And I’ve been eating horribly, which makes it harder to sleep and makes me feel terrible when I’m awake. But I didn’t realize any of this showed on my face until my friend said so.
My life has felt lately as though I’m going through a dark hall of mirrors at a carnival. It’s not just a three-minute trip with a quick exit, though. I work here. I eat here and sleep here. Somehow, I’ve brought myself into a long nightmare in which things are distorted and scary — and I can’t find the exit.
When I woke up Saturday morning from another restless night, I found a note which I had made for myself at some point in the night. I don’t recall having this thought or making the note, but I make such notes in my sleep every now and then.
“Looking back on it now, I can see that she was afraid of intimacy,” I had written.
I must’ve been dreaming about her again.

Maybe it wasn’t correct choice, but I’m not having surgery Friday
Some rewards are great enough to ignore risks and take big chances
Love is best thing to happen to us
FRIDAY FUNNIES
Actions more important than words when judging what someone wants
If you live in Hawaii and want to see my film on TV, public access is coming your way with it soon
Primitive instincts: Why do we ‘fall in love’ with politicians?
All offers eventually expire, so do your best to ‘come before winter’
I can’t get over this terrible feeling that I need to talk to you on video