David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

Past feels like blurry watercolor, not like the history of real people

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I hadn’t seen the picture in a long time. When I saw it, there was a long moment when it felt like a picture of people I didn’t know.

But that was me. That was her. How long ago? Nine years? Maybe 11? I don’t remember. It might have been something from another life. Or something in a vision. Maybe a dream.

We were in Chicago — visiting her family — but my memory of it was blurry. Who exactly was she? Who had I been? I was left digging through my memories and trying to make sense of it.

I see a picture of two smiling and happy people, but what became of them? I haven’t talked with her for many years. She’s happily married to someone else now, but I know nothing of her life. How do two people go from smiling and happy in a picture to strangers who don’t even know each other?

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If he cheats at Cracker Barrel, he’ll eventually cheat you, too

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I was still eating when the couple at the table next to me got up to leave. As they were about to walk away from the table, the woman asked the man, “What about the tip?” The man didn’t stop.

“I don’t live around here,” he said. “I’ll never see her again, so it wouldn’t do me any good to tip her.”

The woman said nothing and they walked away. I presume he planned to pay for their meals at the front counter instead of sneaking out and saving his cash.

I hate everything about tipping. It’s a terrible system. I wish servers were just compensated by a restaurant — as is the case in most of the world — and the cost were included in the price of the meal.

But that’s not the way the system works here. Servers make most of their pay in tips. If you refuse to tip a server — without very good cause — you are stealing from the worker. And that says something about your character.

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Admission to elite colleges is signaling, not about learning

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Apparently, I’m supposed to be outraged that rich celebrities have been buying admission to elite universities for their kids. Instead, I’m basically indifferent — not because I approve of cheating, but because nobody should be surprised.

Haven’t wealthy people always been able to buy their way into things which are “all about merit” — supposedly — for the rest of us? Are we supposed to be shocked that people with money and power (and entitlement) are capable of opening doors which are closed to the rest of us?

I suppose I would be upset if I had ever bought into two myths. But I’ve never believed the same rules apply to everyone in life. And I’ve never believed it really mattered where smart people are educated.

If you look at the “elite university experience” as an elaborate game similar to the Emperor’s New Clothes, it’s hard to be upset that people who see themselves as elites find ways to pay for the privilege of pretending they’re getting fitted for fine new clothes that the rest of us can’t have.

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