David McElroy

For many children, the passing of years is marked by when they got for Christmas. There was the train set when I was 3 (which you see above), walkie talkies and a “spy kit” when I was 9, chemistry set and electrical experiment kit when I was 11, and books for most years thereafter. The things I got seemed to reflect who I was and how the people around me saw me. I wonder how much our childhood gifts shape us?

I’m thinking about this because of different presents I’m seeing for kids around me today. Two contrasting examples stand out, because they represent entirely different approaches, at least in my mind.

A couple of my friends have a beautiful and charming young daughter named Linnea. Among Linnea’s Christmas pictures this morning, there’s a whole series of her with her 36 new containers of Play-Doh. She looks happy, and it makes me imagine all the things she’s going to pull out of her little imagination and bring to life with those little pieces of modeling clay.

A 12-year-old neighbor of mine named Joseph came running over to me excitedly a couple of hours ago to tell me that he had gotten an iPhone 4S for Christmas. He knows that I have an iPhone and he’s told me about wanting one before, so he couldn’t wait to tell me about his.

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All over the world, kids and adults are waking up to find out what Santa brought them. Most made it onto the “nice” list, at least enough to get some presents. Some folks got nothing but coal in their stockings, though, because they’ve been very naughty. Let’s look at a few of them.

Anthony Weiner — Democratic Rep. Anthony Weiner was under the impression that he could send sexually suggestive pictures of himself to random women on Twitter — and nobody would notice (especially his wife). After first denying that he had been sexting with women, he finally had to confess and then eventually resign in June. Santa brought him coal and a gift certificate for a good divorce lawyer.

Tom Whatley — You have no reason to have heard of Alabama state Sen. Tom Whatley, but his hypocrisy and lack of judgment make him a candidate for high political office in the future. Whatley was using a swinger sex site called Adult Friend Finder to find … well … you know what kind of sleaze he was looking for. This “conservative” Republican ran for the Alabama Senate on a “family values” platform and his bio assures us that he’s a good Methodist, but he seems to have the values of the Hugh Hefner family. Some of the women who he contacted online for sex figured out who he was and sent out packets to various Alabama politicians documenting his shady private life. The sleazeball has been laying low since then. Santa brought him coal and the address of a nearby STD clinic.

Van Jones — The Obama administration’s former “green energy czar” deserves a stocking full of coal. Being part of an administration that’s thrown billions of our tax dollars down the drain on failed kooky “green” schemes is bad enough, but the real reason he gets coal is just the delicious irony of it all. Santa brought him a trainload of coal, which he sold to an evil power plant.

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For me, there’s only one “must see” Christmas story each year. You can keep your Charlie Brown Christmas and Frosty and all the rest. There’s no secular Christmas story in the world that compares to “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Just be thankful I’m not around as you watch this, because I know the words to the songs — and I sing them with glee. I have the book version, too, just waiting to be read to the children I hope to have one day. I hope you’ll enjoy watching that old Grinchy Claus’s heart grow as much as I do each year.