The instructor was leading the class through exercises designed to produce a set of individual goals and plans. It was Thursday morning and I was attending mandatory post-license training for new real estate agents in Birmingham.
“What do you want?” she said again. “Write it in a specific way. Do you want to be rookie of the year? Imagine yourself accepting that award. Do you want to hit a certain financial goal? Be specific.”
I started typing. I named a couple of goals. They seemed to be the sorts of things other people around me were excited about.
And then it hit me. I didn’t want the things I had just written down. I was in a group of about 20 people, most of whom seemed to want those things, so it was easy to fall into accepting their goals as obvious and right.

A year later, late-night phone call and suicide threat still echo in me
Snapshots of hurting people and broken families, but no resolutions
In a cold and disconnected world, it’s very simple to fake happiness
Deep-seated shame makes it hard for me to take my needs seriously
As I grow and learn, I have to leave more of my ideas behind
The more I understand humans, the less I really comprehend us
Capitol rioters weren’t SS troops, just woeful losers living a fantasy