My life has become a long quest to resolve a crisis of faith.
It’s not just about religion or theology, though. It’s about all of life. I didn’t even recognize what was going on when it started. At one point, everything made sense. I had a coherent worldview. That’s what I thought anyway — until the foundations of my life broke down, one by one.
When I was young, everything made sense to me. I had what seemed to be a coherent “theory of everything.” I knew The Truth, not because I had found something, but simply because I had grown up being taught exactly how things ought to be.
My understanding of The Truth wasn’t just about theology or God or anything so narrow. I had an integrated set of beliefs about reality. About everything. They all fit together — like the parts of a beautiful building.
My “theory of everything” was a work of great art which had been designed with mathematical precision — by an architect who was also a great engineer.
The central pillar of that structure of beliefs was my father. Even though I now understand that my family was deeply dysfunctional, I believed that everything my father taught me was right and good. I got angry with him at times and I pushed back in small ways, but I was ultimately too afraid to rebel against this god-like father who ruled my life.

Future reality starts in what we believe inside about who we are
I don’t really hate you, honest; I’m just afraid you may hurt me
A tax on folks who can’t do math? Winning may be worst possibility
Overthrow of Gaddafi no justification for attacks on other countries
Financial ignorance from your TV: Gold may not be around next year
Shame and Fear still stand guard over my efforts to chase dreams
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Munchkin, the dog who vanished without a trace
The hole is always there, but I foolishly hope it’ll just go away