It was early on a Sunday morning. I can’t describe my parents’ bedroom, but I know where we lived. I can’t tell you what else was going on. I just remember playing with my father on their bed.
My favorite game on all of these Sunday mornings was when he would let me climb onto his legs and he would lift me into the air, higher than a little boy knew was possible. I laughed gleefully and wanted to ride again and again.
I was a happy little boy in those moments.
This faded photograph from my baby book is the only physical evidence of those times, but my memory is more powerful than a photo anyway. You might not be able to tell in the darkness of the old picture, but that’s my father’s face on the lower left. I’m on top of his legs and he’s holding onto me with his outstretched hands.
Now that my father has been dead for more than three years, I wish I could erase all of the bad things about him in my memory. I wish it were possible to lose all the evidence of the angry and abusive narcissist who hurt me.
I wish I could hold onto just the loving and tender moments with my father, because those memories are powerful.

Do great dreams really come true or do they just serve to haunt us?
Do I oppose rulers because I hate rulers — or because I hate rules?
God may be working on what we need long before we can see it
I struggle to fix the imperfection in myself and world around me
Connection with a child can make routine day feel more meaningful
If you think world is about logic, you misunderstand human nature
This mortal life swings between lonely misery and loving paradise
Movie popcorn overpriced? Sue ’em; spoiled children want their way
Was I ‘fat’? ‘Lazy’? My father’s ugly words made me feel shame