I had dinner Saturday with a friend. She was already seated when I arrived.
“You look terrible,” she said, almost laughing. I didn’t disagree with her, but I was surprised it showed so easily.
I haven’t been sleeping well. When I do sleep, my dreams are often confusing. I wake up feeling as though I’ve been wrestling with something which leaves me exhausted. And I’ve been eating horribly, which makes it harder to sleep and makes me feel terrible when I’m awake. But I didn’t realize any of this showed on my face until my friend said so.
My life has felt lately as though I’m going through a dark hall of mirrors at a carnival. It’s not just a three-minute trip with a quick exit, though. I work here. I eat here and sleep here. Somehow, I’ve brought myself into a long nightmare in which things are distorted and scary — and I can’t find the exit.
When I woke up Saturday morning from another restless night, I found a note which I had made for myself at some point in the night. I don’t recall having this thought or making the note, but I make such notes in my sleep every now and then.
“Looking back on it now, I can see that she was afraid of intimacy,” I had written.
I must’ve been dreaming about her again.

Hurt people attract others who know what it’s like to feel hurt
The world becomes magical when the right person says, ‘I love you’
Collective freak-out over tasteless shirt points to double standard
Creators must be wary of making propaganda or work for own ego
Ban on saggy pants: Why do we require laws against looking foolish?
UK-based philosopher: Tax money paid to state is actually ‘charity’
Dying Phelps’ anti-gay cult is vile and wrong, but I don’t hate him
Happy birthday to the monkeys; we’re marking two years today
Childhood programming trains us to wait for authority’s permission