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There are moments when I love my life so much that the joy is almost painfully overwhelming.

These moments happen every day. They’re the moments when I’m in love with the world and with the beauty all around me — and more than anything else, with the people and things which I’ve chosen to love.

Tuesday evening, Lucy rode with me to get gasoline for the car. She loves her little car trips and she seems to be happy to be close to me. The photo above is her sitting in my seat while I was outside filling the car‘s tank.

As we headed back home, Lucy put her head on my right shoulder and nuzzled my neck. She was happy and wanted to be close. As I reached my right hand up to rub the fur of her head, I felt filled with love for her — and love for the joy of this moment of being with her.

It’s those shared moments of love and gratitude and pure joy which I most miss about having the love of a partner in my life.

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There’s no moon out here tonight. It seems almost pitch black — and that feels appropriate.

Because of the street lights and porch lights of my quiet suburban street, the sky looks totally dark from my front porch. I know there are no clouds tonight, though, so the stars have to be there.

The glow of all these dim ambient lights covers up the pinpricks which represent a million burning infernos of light and heat in the distance.

But the light and heat of those stars seem impossibly far away right now. As much as I wish I could feel the heat and see the light, my heart feels the cold distance and knows that it reflects the emptiness of my heart — and the distance between my cold heart and warm love.

I touched real love a little while ago. Just for a moment. It was an accident. But I touched it for a moment — and it was warm and bright and colorful — yet it was just an illusion that I could not hold onto.

But that brief touch has me looking for light and warmth as I sit alone in the darkness after midnight.

My heart needs to know where love is now.

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Every time I see suggestions from friends — even bright people who I like — proposing simplistic and ridiculous “solutions” to the current economic crisis, I’m appalled at the level of economic ignorance out there.

We can fix the economy, they say. Just don’t make anybody pay rent for awhile. Banks can let people not pay their loans back for awhile, either. Just put everything on hold. And utilities can keep providing power and Internet service and water and everything else — for free.

See? Just wave a magic wand and decree this. It’s free.

From what I read from such people, it’s clear that they have no understanding of why their proposed magic isn’t possible. And I’ve seen another correlation. People who have to earn enough money to keep their small businesses open are panicking right now, because they know there is no magical Santa Claus who’s going to save them.

But people who’ve never run a business and don’t understand anything beyond getting a paycheck for a job seem to think someone can just wave a magic wand and the economic world can just be on hold for a few months — while they continue to consume resources without paying for them.

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