David McElroy

When U.S. troops invaded Iraq and Afghanistan, I eagerly watched every move. The airstrikes and explosions were exciting. The constant updates on progress were addictive. For the first time in history, a person on the other side of the world could sit at home and watch people being killed on live television.

I can’t tell you now why I watched. There was nothing I could do about what was going on. The information was useless to me. Even if something I saw changed my mind about anything, what was I going to do about it?

I’m thinking about that today as Russian troops invade Ukraine. I’m not watching, but almost everybody I know is glued to the coverage of this bloody and outrageous invasion. Why are they watching? Because they’ve been brainwashed to believe responsible people “stay informed.”

The truth is that wars have become entertainment. All “news” is now entertainment and political theater. I’ve learned not to waste my time and attention on things I can’t control — and I hope you will learn this lesson which it took me way too long to learn.

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There are times when the most liberating thing you can do is to give up.

I keep deceiving myself. I tell myself that I’m finished trying to “save” others. I know it’s a waste of time and emotional energy to keep trying to save people who don’t want to be saved. People who don’t believe they need to be saved.

It’s ridiculous. It’s even arrogant of me. And it’s exhausting.

But I keep slipping back into the habit anyway, and I feel like a fool. I find that I’m not saving anyone — and I’m destroying myself by giving myself false hope that change might be coming. The truth is that change isn’t coming. Nobody is going to listen. And I need to save myself — instead of trying to become a hero by saving someone else.

When I look at reality, I see so much which is going to hurt people — some who I’ve loved, some who I’ll never know — and I want to scream in frustration that what I see isn’t obvious to those others. I was once naive enough to believe that if I just explained carefully why people were putting themselves at risk, they would eagerly make changes in their own lives.

What I find is that many people will admit — in the abstract — that they badly need change, but then they’re unwilling to do anything about it once they realize there’s a price to be paid.

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All your life, popular culture has sold you a lie. Most of us grow up internalizing the lie that happiness is found through the pursuit of pleasure and material things. We don’t even think about it. Everyone wants more “stuff.” And everyone wants all the sensual pleasures that this world offers.

“If it feels good, do it,” is the mantra of foolish modern man.

There’s nothing wrong with material things. There’s nothing inherently wrong with pleasure. But there’s a secret that some people never learn. No amount of pleasure will make you happy. No accumulation of material things will ever bring meaning or joy to your life.

The truth is that meaning comes through responsibility. Real happiness and joy — the kind that come with long-term meaning — come through serving the people we love.

Meaning comes from loving someone — the family you choose for yourself — and from gladly meeting your responsibilities to them.

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