David McElroy

Producing a podcast is more difficult than I thought it would be. It’s also easier than I thought it would be. If that sounds confusing to you, imagine how I feel.

If I had known eight weeks ago what I‘ve learned in making these first six episodes of Love & Hope, I don’t think I would have started this journey. I’m not sure whether to be thankful for my ignorance or to wish I’d had the sense to stick to writing.

Love & Hope was an experiment for me. It was an opportunity to learn a bit about a new medium without jumping into something that I thought could possibly be popular. I chose a topic that wouldn’t interest most people, because I wanted a safe place to learn — without worrying about too many people listening and judging me.

So after making six episodes, what have I learned?

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I stretched out my arms, as though I was welcoming the raindrops which were pounding on my body like tiny notes of a powerful symphony.

If anybody was watching, he might have thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I felt an exhilarating connection with Nature in that moment. I welcomed the rain. I welcomed the energy in the storm. And in that brief moment of touching God, I felt love and warmth and goodness.

I had eaten at a restaurant inside a store Wednesday evening. When it was time for me to leave, a driving rainstorm had started outside. There was hardly anybody left in the store. Everyone else seemed to have headed home in anticipation of the storm. As I walked slowly into the rain, I felt as though I was alone on Nature’s stage.

My heart swelled with warmth and love. Suddenly, without any intention or forethought, I was joyfully speaking words of love to someone who was not there to hear my words.

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Everybody has some delusional expectations about life when he or she is young, but most people outgrow such things pretty quickly. I started out with bigger delusions — bigger expectations and plans — and they only got bigger by the time I was an adult.

I didn’t realize it, but being raised by a father with narcissistic personality disorder had left me with delusions of grandeur. It was only when I finally woke up from my lifelong nightmare that I started seeing myself clearly.

Preview of new week’s show: Since Valentine’s Day is next week, it’s a great time to look at the ways in which romantic attraction is a trickster who can tease us with a spark of connection that will never turn into real love.

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