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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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You can change your story, but you first must throw away the old ones

By David McElroy · March 13, 2018

Starting when I was a freshman in college, I worked as a part-time newspaper reporter. As the youngest and most inexperienced person in my newsroom, I was given the assignments nobody else wanted. The job taught me how little I knew about people.

I frequently went to a home or office out in the middle of a rural nowhere — on a dirt road 30 or 40 miles from the office — and I couldn’t imagine the people there could have anything interesting to say. It was a prideful attitude from a young man who thought too much of himself.

I soon discovered that even the most mundane person has a story — some meaningful narrative about what he’s seen or felt or lived through. Many times, though, their stories seemed so routine to them that they didn’t recognize the drama or inspiration that they had to share.

I often left interviews with “boring” people — folks who I’d met with a feeling of disdain — with a sense of humility and a realization that I was the one who didn’t yet have much wisdom to share.

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‘What if I asked you to marry me right now, without knowing more?’

By David McElroy · March 11, 2018

You can get to know a stranger pretty well in six hours — but can you come away knowing yourself better? Maybe. This long night makes me think so.

It was a chance encounter. We were both strangers looking for something — maybe neither of us knew what — when we found each other Saturday night. I was restless and needed to get away from my house. She was frustrated with the people at her house and was escaping them.

It was around 10 p.m. when I got to Whataburger in Trussville. I picked it because it was open all night and because I seem to keep being drawn back there lately, since it’s a place where I used to go all the time. She walked in with a self-assurance that suggested she would own any room she walked into. The place was mostly empty and it wasn’t long before we were chatting, first across a couple of tables and then across my old booth as she joined me there.

Her name is Delaney. She’s a tall blonde woman with blue eyes and she looks as though she would have been at home as a hippie in the ’60s. Some of that was the way she dressed but part of it was the way she carried herself — as though she sees right through everybody and says things others are too polite to say.

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When intense feelings turn numb, something inside has died for me

By David McElroy · March 6, 2018

I have intense feelings and I don’t have any choice but to share them. That’s just the way I’m wired. I love powerfully. I hurt deeply. I experience joy with open exuberance.

I don’t hide my feelings well. If you’re paying any attention at all, you know where you stand with me, because I wear my heart on my sleeve.

But there are times — very rare times — when everything feels numb. When that happens, it means that some part of me — maybe a little part or maybe a big part — has finally died after an extended period of intense pain. It happens without warning, although it’s always predictable in retrospect.

I went numb today. It feels like walking in a driving rainstorm without an umbrella — and not caring what anybody else thinks.

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David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

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Future Photo Display

As part of my effort to rid my life of social media, I will no longer display links to my two Instagram accounts here. Those accounts will be dormant for the time being and will eventually be deleted. I plan to have a method for displaying photos here instead, but the solutions I’ve tested so far have been disappointing. I’m still working on it.

My Instagram

It’s too bad Meg can’t relax a little more, huh? I It’s too bad Meg can’t relax a little more, huh? I’m obviously kidding, because this little girl has quite a bit of confidence when she’s hanging out with me — and she has more confidence around the three boys every day, so that makes me happy. She’s been a great addition to the household.
By the time I left the office about 5:30 p.m. Frid By the time I left the office about 5:30 p.m. Friday, some light rain from the approaching hurricane was starting to fall. It’s been completely cloudy in Birmingham all day because of the bands of clouds pushing north from the Gulf of Mexico. About halfway home, I noticed that the sky had suddenly started exhibiting this beautiful orange glow to the west. So even though it was far too cloudy for us to see a real sunset, the light was still colorful enough and bright enough to punch through at the horizon. So I stopped on the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 and caught this quick shot. Within just a couple of minutes, the clouds had covered up the color — and the rain started getting a bit harder. By morning, we should have howling winds and serious thunderstorms. Let’s just hope there are no tornados spawned by this storm in our area.
I need some new portraits of myself, so I tried a I need some new portraits of myself, so I tried a few shots after I got home late Monday night. This one wasn’t great, so I’ll try again later, but I can use it until I have time to shoot another. I was too lazy to light this one properly — and it shows. 😺
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026
When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing so When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing some work in the studio and Oliver wanted to join me, so I showed him around to acclimate him to the place again. He rarely goes in there, but I have pictures of him in that studio on the night I brought him home as a kitten. 😺
Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
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Critter Instagram

This is just a bit of fun for Halloween. I like to This is just a bit of fun for Halloween. I like to think Merlin is still with us, even though I lost him four years ago. 😺

If you’d like to know more about how this was made, see the post on my website, which is linked on my bio here. That explains how this video came about and which tools I used to make it.
Alex is ready for Halloween this week. He’s hoping Alex is ready for Halloween this week. He’s hoping som unsuspecting victims come by the house before they realize what those teeth are really for.
Sam has to hide his “bat wings” for most of the ye Sam has to hide his “bat wings” for most of the year, but at Halloween, everybody just assumes it’s a costume. 😺
It’s a few minutes after 6 a.m. and I’m finally go It’s a few minutes after 6 a.m. and I’m finally going to bed, so I just went to the office to tell the cats good night. Or good morning, I suppose would be more accurate. Meg was relaxing on a middle level of the castle. Although there are plenty of nice spaces on which she can recline, she has chosen to curve her body around a cutout the leads to a cave on the next level down. She and her brothers were all asleep when I showed up to bother them.
From the CritterCam: The webcam happened to catch From the CritterCam: The webcam happened to catch all three of the boys in very similar poses Thursday afternoon. I think they love the heated pad. As far as I know, Meg hasn’t discovered it so far.
The cats and I are hanging out in the Jetsons’ uni The cats and I are hanging out in the Jetsons’ universe tonight and it’s quite a fun place. It was 64 years ago when this show first went on the air. Meg didn’t want to be so close to the boys, so she asked for her own little private cabin for now.
At midnight, Oliver is giving me a chance to make At midnight, Oliver is giving me a chance to make a formal portrait of him on the bed. I love the contrast between his gray fur and the red bedspread in this lighting.
From the CritterCam: As I check the webcam late We From the CritterCam: As I check the webcam late Wednesday afternoon, it looks as though Oliver has a lot on his mind. Either that or he’s watching one of the other cats do something in the floor below. Either way, the intensity on his face amuses me.
Meg has been napping in one of the caves of her ca Meg has been napping in one of the caves of her castle Wednesday afternoon. The three boys are also asleep, so the house is pretty quiet as I work.
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Briefly

I’m seeing a lot of simplistic and dishonest explanations right now for the current rioting in France. Those on the populist far right claim it’s all about Muslim immigrants to France disrupting the culture. Their message is that this sort of thing is going to happen in the U.S. unless “we defend the border.” On the far left, socialists and their fellow travelers claim the riots are all about wealthy people in France not paying enough taxes, resulting in cuts to government services. The truth is far more complicated, but it’s rooted in the decline of population growth in Europe. There simply aren’t enough young workers paying into the tax system anymore, so cuts in social services were inevitable. There is genuine cultural tension as more and more people immigrate from other countries, but government cuts to education and other services are even more important to what’s happening. The situation is complicated, so don’t let dishonest people with U.S. political agendas tell you that it happens to support whatever they were already promoting for partisan reasons.

Here’s another reason to appreciate the cats in your life: New research involving 93 countries found that places with more cats per person also tended to have happier people. The researchers say the finding fits with previous evidence that living with pets can reduce loneliness and stress while providing companionship, emotional attachment and social support. The study doesn’t prove that cats cause greater happiness, but it certainly adds to the evidence that sharing your home — and your life — with a cat might be good for you.

The company that owns Facebook and Instagram is heavily promoting its new AI-based software assistant called Muse, but people who are using it as it was designed are incredibly foolish. An early adopter of the software discovered that a few days ago when he advertised an item for sale on Facebook Marketplace — and he inadvertently gave Muse full authority to act on his behalf. The software agreed to a lowball offer made by another Facebook user and then gave that man the home address of the man for whom he was an agent. The software told the buyer that the seller was home and waiting for him. When the buyer showed up and waited angrily, the would-be buyer left an angry review for the man. And this angry man had the seller’s home address. It was only well after that that the software reported what it had done and admitted it had made a mistake. I won’t be putting that much power into the hands of any software. I think anyone who agrees to such terms is a fool. And the software’s user agreement says you’re responsible for purchases the software makes in your name. Nope.

Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

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