parenting

I don’t see how anyone can have a child without feeling terrified.

When you create a new human life, you are having the spirit and health and future of a completely independent person put into your hands. Even if your intentions are good, you can do long-term damage to the child.

You can follow the best advice you can find — from your family and friends and experts of the day — and still get it wrong in ways that leave someone hurt for life. No matter what you do, many people won’t approve of your parenting. If all this doesn’t terrify you, I’m not sure you ought to have a child.

When I was younger, I was scared to have children. When I was married in my late 20s and 30s, I didn’t feel ready. I didn’t quite know why, but I understand now that something in me was afraid of continuing the family patterns that had come down from the families of both of my parents.

Even while I was still struggling to understand my dysfunctional upbringing, I was determined not to do to my children what had been done to me.

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