David McElroy

Dear Merlin: I’m a big supporter of President Barack Obama, but I’m worried about his re-election. The Republicans are attacking him and even some of my fellow Democrats are mad at him. Some say Hillary Clinton might stage some sort of coup at the convention. Can you give me any magical advice that I could use to make sure my hero wins in November?

Hopeless Howie in Rapid City, S.D.

Dear Hopeless Howie: I find myself musing as to why, of all the wizards you could approach, you chose to approach a wizard who clearly belongs to a libertarian human. The last thing I need is for David to cease my supply of kitty chow because I helped get Sir Barry back into the … what do you call it? Ah, yes. The White Castle. But since I’m not particularly fond of that dry, crunchy cat fare in the first place, I shall take a bold step and make a few suggestions.

Keep in mind that if any of this works, I may need a new home because David might kick me out; I have ways of finding you and will expect you to return the favor. If it doesn’t work, then I take absolutely no responsibility, as it is entirely likely the Obama camp has wizards working for them, too. That’s the only logical explanation for their presence in Washington in the first place.

Back to the matter at paw, though. It seems you have three issues. The first is the obvious problem with your hero’s lack of, well, everything. But as you seem to be suffering from a bout of delirium regarding that, I shall move onto the other two issues: Hillary seeking to lead Ye Blue Horde, and the opposing party of pachyderms.

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What would happen if a government-run high school put on a program featuring a song with the words, “There is no other truth except Jesus Christ”?

I’m betting that half a dozen civil liberties groups such as the ACLU would be threatening to file lawsuits to protect against this “establishment of religion” in schools. Why does it never seem to happen when it’s not a Christian message being presented?

In Grand Junction, Colo., a high school choir is preparing for a program that will include an Islamic worship song called “Zikr.” I hope you’ll listen to it. I like the music and think it would probably be beautiful as a live performance when sung properly by a choral group. It has value as a way to learn another culture.

But the song contains lines — in the Urdu language — that say “There is no truth except Allah” and “Allah is the only eternal and immortal.” When the choir teacher gave the students the translation of what they were to sing, one senior boy said he couldn’t sing those words. When the school refused to remove the song from the program, he quit the choir.

“In the Bible, [it says] that you don’t worship any other god — and this is worshipping another god and even another prophet,” said James Harper, who’s a Christian and is active in his church. “I think there would be a lot of outrage if we made a Muslim choir say ‘Jesus Christ is the only truth.'”

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