making sense of a dysfunctional culture
I got the news Thursday afternoon that someone I knew had died in his sleep a couple of nights ago. His death left me thinking about how the people around me take care of themselves — or don’t take care of themselves. And it left me thinking about myself and what this tendency toward “slow suicide” says about all of us.
When I was in high school, I surprised everyone — including myself — by deciding that I was going to become a pastor.
Until then, my career choices had all been conventional. Various types of engineering. Law. Politics. Business. But one Sunday night, I decided — without any prior thought — that God was calling me to ministry. I didn’t know why. It just felt right.
As well-meaning adults in ministry tried to direct me over the next few years, I found out that I was nothing like them. There were square hole and there were round holes in church ministry. I was a hexagonal peg that didn’t fit into any of the holes.
During my last year of college, I served on a church staff as youth minister. Each Sunday and Wednesday, I drove about 40 miles from Tuscaloosa to Carrollton Baptist Church. I taught classes to students and I preached for the congregation at times when the pastor was out of town.
The last time I preached there — at the pulpit you see above — seemed to make clear that I just wasn’t cut out for this job.
It’s always the worst at night. I have no idea why.
That’s when the images and sounds flood my mind. It’s as though someone made a movie and I saw only the first part. I loved the movie and wanted to see all of it. I loved it so much that I wanted to live in it, but I couldn’t.
And then someone had all the images and sounds and smells and emotions from the rest of that movie — and feeds bits and pieces of them to me at random times. It’s warm and loving images of love and family and home and everything I’ve ever wanted.
There‘s a projector on the inside of my skull — and someone plays those images. What I see teases me and torments me, but I can’t make them go away. I don‘t even know whether I want them to go away.
She’s always there. But she’s not really there.
Of all the world’s contradictions, our own actions confuse us most
Smallest ray of hope can make us feel a change we need is coming
Memo to Republicans: Your serious contenders are hypocrites, too
I’m looking at myself in mirror and asking difficult questions
When does healthy love become nothing but unhealthy obsession?
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Oliver, the furball who taught me to love cats
I need responsibility for slaying dragons to protect those I love
Faith and fear collide where dreams and reality come together
Barbarians with evil ideas taking our entire culture off deadly cliff