In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
Some rewards are great enough to ignore risks and take big chances
I’m terribly sorry to break it to you, but straw polls mean nothing

Dying Phelps’ anti-gay cult is vile and wrong, but I don’t hate him
Being loved is one of life’s gifts, but joy of loving is even greater
We fill life with noise because silence forces us to hear truth
What really caused me to run from a ‘haunted house’ long ago?
To think clearly, turn off the tube: Your television is not your friend