It’s been years since I figured out that my father was a narcissist. It’s been years since I started understanding the effects he had on me — how he warped my mind and damaged me at my core. And every time I start thinking that I’ve already dealt with the lingering legacy of his dysfunctional programming, I see something in myself that reminds me that he’s still inside me — in ways that might never change — and that I have to constantly watch for bits and pieces of his dysfunction to come out in me.
I was driving home from work this evening when it happened again. I started thinking about doing something that was nominally a good thing to do — but then I realized what my motivation was. I realized that I was once again trying to prove to myself that I was a good person. The old programming had kicked in once more.
This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or you can watch the most recent video below.

Illusions we project for others allow us to remain hidden inside
Lack of specific needs and wants makes my world feel meaningless
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Sonny, a sweet boy who needs a home
If you allow anything to be priority over love and beauty, you’re a fool
When you’re finally facing death, how many people will love you?
I’m the common denominator in all of my failed relationships
We can see injustices of the past, but still honor men who achieved
Unconscious programming makes us eager to believe our own lies
Class experiment is evidence: Folks want something for nothing