David McElroy

I spent a couple of hours Tuesday with a woman who’s going through a divorce. She told me at length about what she’s going through and what led to her divorce.

After 24 years of marriage, this woman filed for a divorce a few months ago, because she found out last February that her husband had been cheating on her with multiple women over the years. He’s the last person she would have ever suspected of being a cheater. They were very active in their church and he had always seemed like such a moral and ethical man. He wasn’t just a member of his church, but was an active leader.

He had emotionally neglected her over the years, ignoring her for the most part, but she stayed with him because “at least he doesn’t cheat on me.” She said when they first married — when she was 27 and he was 24 — she made excuses for him. “It’s just because he’s younger and immature,” she said she thought. Eventually, she grew accustomed to being ignored.

They were both software programmers when they met. She gave up her career to raise children, and her skills are badly out of date now that she needs a job. He moved up through the ranks of a major bank to a senior management position over the IT department. Although he had a very high income, he spent little on her. He took her to cheap restaurants and said they couldn’t afford nice places — which never bothered her until she discovered the expensive places where he had been taking his mistresses for all those years.

“Why?”

That’s the question she’s left with. Why did he do all the things he did? And why did she accept what little she was getting from him? She didn’t believe in divorce, but she nows says if she had understood 20 years ago what she understands now, she would have left him just for the emotional abuse of neglect, which she now says was worse than any physical abuse could have been.

She’s left alone now in a small apartment, crying more often than she wants to admit — asking, “Why?”

I don’t know that I have a point to make from her story. It’s just a brief portrait of a hurting woman who’s lost her trust in people — and is questioning her faith in God — because of the way she allowed herself to be treated. There’s not really a larger point. It’s just a glimpse. But I have two other stories to tell along with it.

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Why do people get involved in political campaigns and movements? Some do it because they’re trying to change things, either nationally or as it relates to some local issue they care about, but the biggest percentage of them are simply political junkies.

When I look back at the people I dealt with while I worked in politics for two decades, it’s really obvious that most of them were in politics for one simple reason. They loved the game. They might have paid lip service to the idea of making the world a better place — they might have even believed it — and they were definitely ideologues to one degree or another. But most were simply addicted to the thrill of being around the intrigue of the struggle for political power.

Most of us grew up being taught that “good citizens” are informed about news and involved with politics. If you’re one of those who’s attracted to power and is thrilled to be near those who have it, there’s no better excuse to indulge yourself. You’re just being a good citizen. You deserve a pat on the back as you name-drop about the people you’ve met. But it’s a game. It’s about the chase for power and ego gratification. You either become a political professional and get paid for or else it becomes a hobby for you.

Since I write and talk about political ideas, it confuses many people that I no longer care about politics. Many of those who generally agree with me about the sort of future I would like to see are confused that I don’t promote political advocacy and that I actively discourage people from participating.

Let me try one more time to explain why politics is no longer my hobby.

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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is outraged that his minions closed lanes on the George Washington Bridge in order to cause problems in the city of one of his political enemies. That’s what he’s saying right now, and we all know that a politician wouldn’t lie.

I’d like to remind you that this is nothing but politics as usual. Whether Christie knew about it or not — and I’m betting he did — this is just the way the game of politics is played.

Christie is facing political heat because of disclosure by the Bergen Record that his underlings — including a man who went to high school with him — participated in a plan to cause traffic problems for Fort Lee, N.J., purely because of political differences with the city’s mayor. The newspaper obtained a cache of emails and text messages exchanged between the various people involved in the plan.

On Aug. 13, Bridget Anne Kelly, who is one of three deputy chiefs of staff for Christie, sent an email to David Wildstein, who is considered Christie’s “eyes and ears at the Port Authority.” In that message, Kelly said, “Time for some traffic problems in Fort Lee.” Wildstein clearly understood the message, as he simply responded with, “Got it.” Wildstein is a longtime political operative in New Jersey and went to high school with Christie.

On a subsequent morning, the Port Authority closed certain lanes on the George Washington Bridge without announcement or explanation during morning rush-hour for four days.

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