In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
Members of Congress can’t tell constituents ‘Merry Christmas’
My heart longs for a future that’s more real to me than the dim past

If you don’t feel overwhelmed, you just aren’t paying attention
I just found out an ex got married – and I’m shocked to feel jealous
This is why people are confused about what anarchists really are
NOTEBOOK: The forest is burning, so quit arguing about single trees
Existing biases dictate how you see grand jury decision in Ferguson, Mo.
Love is best thing to happen to us