In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
Friend’s happy family and career remind me how good life can be
We all live with a death sentence, but we act as if we’ll live forever
Who are you trying to impress? Answer may explain who you are

Outraged folks around world letting Diane Tran know she’s not alone
Without meaning, most are blind to rot destroying their own lives
Do five big beer companies force Native Americans to abuse alcohol?
Another ‘Atlas Shrugged’ moment: ‘Reasonable Profits Board’ proposed
Reality no longer seems to matter to dysfunctional culture in denial