David McElroy

Here’s a pop quiz. Who said this in the last week: “It’s not about contraception. It’s about economic liberty; it’s about freedom of speech; it’s about freedom of religion. It’s about government control of your lives and it’s got to stop.”

It sounds like someone taking a principled stand against government dictating to people, doesn’t it? It sounds as though it could have come from a libertarian, even. But it didn’t. Those words were said by GOP presidential candidate Rick Santorum in response to the Obama administration’s mandate that every employer (including churches) pay for contraception. Does this mean he’s changed his mind about everything?

The people who are talking big about individual liberty when it comes to not paying for contraception forget all about those fine words when it comes to other things. Santorum was a big supporter of the Patriot Act and thinks that government intrusion into our lives is just fine in other areas. He’s a typical social conservative who wants to impose his views on everyone, but when it comes to government doing something he doesn’t like, he piously intones the rhetoric of freedom. Why?

I heard a Catholic bishop being interviewed on Fox News last week, but I didn’t catch his name. The bishop blasted the Obama administration’s mandate that every employer — including church agencies — provide insurance coverage for contraception. He said this was a violation of their religious freedom, yet he made sure to point out that the Catholic church was completely in favor of forcing everyone to buy health insurance. They just didn’t want to be forced to be the coverage they don’t want.

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As soon as Brené Brown started talking about shame, she had my attention. I had been told that Brown was talking about vulnerability and connection to others, but to get there, she started in a much uglier place — one I could identify with.

Brown is a researcher in social work at the University of Houston. In a 20-minute TED talk more than a year ago, she talked about her research into love and human connection — and those things inevitably lead to vulnerability, authenticity and (for some of us) shame.

I had been told that her talk was about human connection — and how her work had convinced her that’s why we’re living this life — so I was curious what she had to say about it. It was easy to see it as interesting academic research when I first heard about it. What I got from listening was far more than academic. (I’ve embedded Brown’s TED talk at the bottom of this article, and I hope you’ll take the time to listen to her.)

Brown said her research showed that shame and fear are the things that keep connections from happening. We don’t connect when we feel shame about ourselves — and we’re afraid that others won’t see us as good enough if they see who we really are. That’s the part where she really had my attention.

I grew up in a family where shame was a common thing. I grew up feeling as though I could never be good enough. No matter what I did, I didn’t feel as though I was loved and accepted for who I was. There was always another hoop to jump through — emotionally — in order to be “good enough.” And I could never jump through enough hoops. My father would swear that I imagined it all, but both of my sisters grew up feeling the same way. We’ve carried it into our adult lives and it’s reflected itself in different negative ways for all three of us.

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When I added the donation button last week to allow people to contribute toward buying more bananas for the monkeys, little did I know how literally some people would take it.

Not only have cash donations through PayPal come in, but one smart — or smart aleck — fan of the monkeys sent this donation through the mail. Despite the trip of about 800 miles, this bunch of bananas arrived in pretty good shape.

Just after the picture was taken, the bananas were split up and eaten by hungry monkeys, who would be happy to swear that I never feed them. So they would like to thank their anonymous benefactor for keeping them alive another day. If this person wants to “out” himself as the one behind this act of charity in the comments, he’s welcome to do so.

In the meantime, the monkeys will be scouring the web for Tuesday’s news.