David McElroy

Why are people who fall in love so often willing to pay a tremendous price for the love they want? I first encountered this question as a child in the book of Genesis when I read about Jacob’s love for Rachel. Why was he willing to work seven years to marry her? It seemed crazy to me. It wasn’t until I eventually fell in love myself that I started understanding that love for a woman changes everything for a man — and it makes him capable of doing things he never dreamed he could do.

Preview of new week’s show: If love is so great, then why do some of our worst hurts come from our romantic relationships? Why is it that some people are hurt so badly by lost love — or by relationships they should leave, relationships that are supposed to bring them joy — that they harden their hearts and swear they’ll never love again?

It’s because counterfeit love feels just like the real thing — at first.

Love is the most powerful and healing force the world has ever known, but its closest counterfeit might be the most destructive force we encounter. We’re going to talk about how we keep failing into those painful and destructive patterns, next week on Love and Hope.

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I’ll be happy to tell you how to fix your life. I can easily look at your life and tell you what you’re doing wrong. It’s obvious to me. I’ll try not to be condescending when I explain it all to you, but we’ll both know I’m the superior one.

OK, not really. But I found myself thinking about some things Sunday afternoon that made it feel uncomfortably close to this arrogant and narcissistic attitude.

I saw some people in public and I started silently criticizing them to myself. I cataloged some of their flaws and errors. If I’m honest with myself — which I’d rather not be — the truth is that I was critical of them for things that aren’t problems for me. When I realized what I was doing, I recognized that arrogant old attitude once again.

“Why aren’t you people more like me?” something inside me silently sneered.

And once more, I was appalled that I was trying to feel better about myself by criticizing the flaws in others.

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Every story of redemption starts with a story of loss. Until a person recognizes his or her brokenness, there can be no story of redemption.

At some point in your life, something broke you. Maybe nobody else knows that. Maybe you’re good at hiding it. And maybe you don’t even admit it to yourself.

But somewhere along the way, we all get lost. We all get broken. Some people cover it up. Some people embrace the brokenness and claim they like living that way. Most of us live in denial about it for as long as we can.

Finding redemption is messy. It involves getting honest with ourselves and others. It means we finally stop lying and pretending. It means we give up our pride.

And this is the reason most people never find redemption for themselves. They choose to live with lies and denial rather than to face the painful truth, even though they long for something deeply transformative and they desperately wish for a way out of something they can’t quite identify.

The ones who never find redemption are tragic. The beautiful stories are of those who are deeply broken and lost, yet find hope and redemption. It‘s their stories I need to tell.

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