David McElroy

There’s been a serious breach in the secrecy of U.S. homeland security. A small newspaper in Michigan has accidentally leaked a key part of U.S. defense strategy. I’m hoping that “the terrorists” haven’t noticed yet, so let’s just keep this between you and me.

What’s the big secret? OK. Is it just us good guys listening? No dirty terrorists around? Good. Here’s the scoop. No pun intended.

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security is equipping counties all over the United States with Arctic Blast Sno-Cone machines. The pilot program is with 13 counties in Michigan, and that’s where the unfortunate secrecy leak happened. Here’s what those traitors at the newspaper were vile enough to report:

Montcalm County recently received a $900 Arctic Blast Sno-Cone machine.

The West Michigan Shoreline Regional Development Commission (WMSRDC) is a federal- and state-designated agency responsible for managing and administrating the homeland security program in Montcalm County and 12 other counties.

The WMSRDC recently purchased and transferred homeland security equipment to these counties — including 13 snow cone machines at a total cost of $11,700.

The machines were funded by a grant from the Michigan Homeland Security Program. The request for a snow cone machine came from another county, but all 13 counties received them.

Are you starting to get the picture here? The government is buying “snow cone machines” for counties. Yeah, right. Who would believe that one? They’re obviously secret weapons. There’s no other explanation.

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When I was growing up, I learned the standard Pearl Harbor attack story. The peaceful United States was minding its own business and staying out of the war raging in Europe when Japan suddenly attacked Pearl Harbor without any provocation. The Japanese were motivated simply by imperialist plans for conquest, we were assured.

I loved military history back then, and the war in the Pacific during World War II was my favorite. (If you ever want me to bore you with a detailed account of the Battle of Midway, I’ll be happy to do so, because it’s my favorite battle.) I have tremendous admiration for the people who fought that war and who sacrificed greatly in order to win it. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same thing about the political leaders whose actions led to the war.

When I was 12, I learned Franklin Roosevelt’s rousing speech on Dec. 8, 1941, asking Congress to declare war on Japan. (I can still do large parts of it, and I’m sure it’s funny to hear me emulate FDR’s accent.) I believed that Roosevelt was a great wartime leader.

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When I was a kid, the Russians were our enemies. They had a bazillion nuclear missiles aimed right at us and they were working day and night to take over the world and turn us all into communists. That’s what we thought — and they thought the same of us.

Then, suddenly, the Russians weren’t our enemies. What had been the Soviet Union collapsed into an economic mess under the weight of almost a century of socialism. Suddenly, I was meeting real, live, flesh-and-blood Russians who were moving to this country. Other than mild communication problems and seriously different tastes in food, I quickly found out that I liked the Russians I met. They tended to be bright, well-educated and interesting. I learned to like our new friends as they started learning economic and political freedom. We had nothing to fear from Russia.

By this point, it seems that the truth is a lot more complicated than either of the stories I’ve believed about Russia in the past. They’re not the Red Menace, but they’re also not a free people living in a stable society with a clear future.

The Russian elections over the weekend are an example of just how far the country has to achieve even basic levels of political stability. I think our system is immoral and coercive, but the Russian government under the control of Vladimir Putin makes ours look positively like something from the Sumer of Love. Hundreds of people have been arrested there this week during protests of serious election fraud this time.

But what do typical Russians think about the situation? Is the anger and frustration over fraud — and over the direction of the country — overblown in media reports here? I asked a couple of Russian friends what they think. Both still live in Russia, so I’m not using their real names.

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