I decided pretty early in life that I was going to be very different from my parents. It seemed easy at the time to just watch their mistakes and avoid them. So why have I spent so much time over the years hating things about myself that seem to have come straight from them?
Some psychologists would argue that it’s because I learned their habits as I was growing up, so it’s all about the environment. Others might argue that the ways in which I’m like them are simply in my genes (and thus hard to overcome), so it’s all about nature.
I think it’s some of both, as I suspect most people believe today. I think most of us would like to believe we were born as blank slates and that whatever we have is just an accumulation of the “programming” that we got from our parents and whoever else raised us, but I don’t think that’s the case. Economist Bryan Caplan looked at all the studies he could find on the subject and concluded the opposite.
In his recent book, “Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids: Why Being a Great Parent is Less Work and More Fun Than You Think,” he argues that most of what kids are going to become is encoded in their genes. He says that the studies he looked at prove that most of the things parents do to change their kids have little effect. (Here’s an EconTalk podcast in which Caplan discusses the research and his conclusions. I highly recommend it.)
But whatever it is, why have I so often in the past heard things coming out of my mouth — or seen myself acting in certain ways — that seemed to be the ghost of my (still living) father within me?
False dichotomy: Your choice isn’t coercive state vs. lawlessness
Just $12 fed mom and her girls, but bigger challenges lie ahead
Left-wing distortions of church just as toxic as right-wing kinds
If you start at love, it’s easier to get to hate than to indifference
Reaction to Googler’s memo says, ‘Diversity is good if you conform’
We don’t know how to love until we learn to set our egos aside
Door in my dream keeps trying to take me to the life I’ve needed
Galt’s Gulch? I can live without that, but I need my own ‘Akston’s diner’
Great ideas are valuable, but they’re worthless without solid execution