I found myself in a time machine Monday night. My body didn’t move, but my mind and my heart were transported to the years when I was a teen-ager.
I didn’t mean to take this trip into the past. I ran across a YouTube video promising snippets of the most popular song from every month of the decade of my youth. I was curious whether I’d know all the songs. It never occurred to me that the music would awaken something disturbing.
At first, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. Then the songs reached the years when I was about 14, 15 and 16.
All of a sudden, I was feeling emotions I had experienced during those years. Some of the sounds awakened specific memories. My mind was a blur. What I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions.
I can talk clinically about the experience of growing up with a narcissistic father and an absent mother. I can outline the ways this affected me, but I almost always talk about it with the matter-of-fact tone of reciting facts.
What I felt tonight wasn’t about reason or psychology or dry narrative. It was a flood of feelings such as fear and shame and pain. They were emotions I was too terrified to openly feel at the time.

Without the state, who would plow roads? We and our neighbors will
Years later, my heart still fears hearing, ‘Who moved my belt?!’
Don’t trust this con man — or almost anybody else on ‘TV news’
Social media creates shallow ties at expense of deeper connections
Does this look like a child abuser? Voters must not have thought so
Where do we go from here? Things are about to get very interesting
As nightmares plague my friends, I’m grateful mine have subsided
The pounding rain from the storm brought me warmth, light and love
To unlock your heart for real love, you must embrace vulnerability