I’ve discovered my “ideal girl” about half a dozen times so far — and each experience has changed me.
In the second grade, there was Lisa Lane. By the fifth grade, Wendy Ford was the new standard. In the eighth grade, I met Gail James. Nothing immediately came of that, but by the time we were freshmen in college, we finally dated. For the next three years. I almost married her.
As an adult, there have been three other women, each one more perfect — in some way I couldn’t explain — than the previous one. Not a single one of the women has actually been perfect, of course, but I was changed in powerful ways by having loved each of them.
What I’ve slowly learned is that being in love brings out something like a superpower in me. I’m a different person when I’m in love. I can achieve more. I’m a better human being. I become a finer version of myself.
I’m coming to understand that this person is who I need to be all the time. Russian novelist Anton Chekhov understood this more than most.
“Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state,” Chekhov wrote. “Being in love shows a person who he should be.”
Being in love has shown me who I need to be. It has shown me the best that I can become.

When the state turns you into a criminal, friends become enemies
Looking for truth in random noise? Or is there meaning for me in this?
City rushes to demolish $4.5 million transit station after only 13 years
Ethnic Indian wins Miss America? Who cares? Bigots seem upset
Fear of potential loss is a terrible reason to stay in the wrong place
Fixing what’s broken inside often makes things worse until rebirth
Police mistakenly attack innocent man while hunting graffiti tagger
When people show you who they are, trust their actions, not words
If you think world is about logic, you misunderstand human nature