David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

Surreal dream wakes, shakes me; which is reality, which is dream?

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I’m suddenly awake just after 4 a.m. and I don’t know why. I’m half asleep but I have a desperate need to remember what I’m feeling and what just happened.

Wait. Did something happen? Did it really? I guess not — not entirely — but something seems so real. Maybe surreal is the word. My brain is half asleep, but my heart — spirit? soul? — has something to say.

No, that’s not quite right. It has something to feel. To share. What is the feeling? Quick, before it’s gone. Find the words. What is this? What happened?

I woke up confused. I was turned around on my bed the wrong way. I was confused about where I was. I thought I was somewhere else, but where?

Everything around was dark but there was diffused light. The kind when there’s fog everywhere and the air is heavy. I sensed danger. I was afraid. I felt shame for being afraid. I was in danger, but I was worried about her. She was the one in mortal danger. She wasn’t going to die, but her heart was being consumed. The beast was consuming her — and then she would be gone.

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People don’t confront ideas today; they lob bumper stickers at others

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A man went to prison and was confused on his first night to hear prisoners calling out numbers. One guy called out, “44!” Then everybody laughed and another guy called out, “72!” Again, everybody laughed.

“What’s going on,” the new guy asked his cellmate.

“We’ve heard all these jokes so many times that we just give them numbers to make it quicker to tell them,” the prison veteran explained.

“Can I try?” the new inmate asked.

“Sure,” his cellmate said.

So he waited until a break in the laughter and he called out, “87!” There was dead silence except for a few groans. He looked at his cellmate with a confused look and asked what happened.

“Well,” said the cellmate, “some people can tell a joke and some can’t.”

It’s an old joke — and I heard it as a child — but it reminds me of political discussion online today. Almost nobody has anything of substance to say, so they just throw shallow nonsense at each other — links, memes and bumper stickers. These shallow people pretend they’re promoting what they believe in, but they’re doing nothing of the sort.

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Listening to our own inner voice can be the toughest thing we do

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I never have to tell Molly to listen to her inner voice and get in touch with her genuine needs.

If you’ve spent much time around cats, you know that felines are always in touch with their needs. Nobody has to tell them to what they need or what they want.

If they’re hungry, you’re going to hear about it. If they want to play, they’re going to interrupt whatever you’re doing. They have no sense of shame about demanding exactly what they want.

Humans are trained from an early age to be just the opposite. Children who ask too often for what they need or want are considered problem kids. They’re told not to be so selfish. They’re often punished for having too many needs and wants. They’re rewarded for ignoring their needs and putting others first.

It’s no wonder that many of us realize — decades into our lives — that we have a sense of shame about asking for what we need and what we want. Family and society have programmed us not to ask for much. Many of us eventually realize that we’ve subordinated those inner needs and wants for so long that we can’t even hear the voice that’s trying to tell us what’s wrong — or what’s missing.

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