David McElroy

Even when folks praise my work, my secret fear is I may be a fraud

By David McElroy · June 29, 2018

I have a deep need for people to praise me. And I desperately need folks to adore my work — even though this praise and adoration make me feel embarrassed at the same time.

Why?

Because no matter who I become and no matter what excellent work I might do, I am terrified that people will suddenly realize I’m a fraud.

I’ve suffered this secret fear since I was a child. For many years, I thought I was the only one who felt this way. When I was a kid, people praised me for being “so intelligent.” They used superlatives such as “genius” and “once-in-a-lifetime talent,” but I knew better.

On the inside, I was just me. I didn’t feel smart. I didn’t feel talented. I just felt like someone struggling to make it through a confusing childhood. I assumed I was “normal” and I was simply surrounded by idiots. I was certain someone would come along any day and expose the obvious fact that I’d been wrongly praised for years.

I expected that day to come — and I knew it would crush me when it did.

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I can’t get over this terrible feeling that I need to talk to you on video

By David McElroy · June 27, 2018

Do you ever have a really horrible compulsion that won’t leave you alone?

I’ve had one of those for years now and I can’t make it go away. I also can’t figure out any way that it makes sense, so I hover in this in-between world where something inside me whispers, “You must do this,” and I respond back with a bewildered, “But what would that even mean?!”

Please indulge me here. I need to talk about this, but I don’t know what I want to say. I don’t have a point. I just feel the urgent need to talk with you about this.

I haven’t been interested in acting or any kind of public performance since I was a teen-ager. Back then, I acted in plays. I made speeches. (I won second place in a state speech contest and I’m still angry that I came in second.) Public performance was easy, but I haven’t sought such opportunities for decades.

For the last few years, though, I can’t shake the intense feeling that I need to be making videos to talk to the world — yet I haven’t the slightest clue about the purpose or content. Crazy, right?

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What if world is becoming a place where you no longer want to live?

By David McElroy · June 26, 2018

Many of my friends are having meltdowns about the increasingly depressing news they see on television and read online. Their social media posts are full of anguish and hurt and anger.

“I’ve been watching CNN and I’m so angry about what’s going on at the border,” writes a friend in a typical post. “Is anyone else feeling this helpless? I was screaming at the TV until I started crying. I don’t know what to do, but something has to change. I’m depressed most of the time lately about what this lunatic is doing to our country. What can we do?!”

Do you really want to know? I’ll tell you, but you’re not going to like the answer.

The best thing you can do for the world — and for yourself — is to disconnect from the “news” and other hyperbolic media. Then you can get busy living your life and making your community what you want it to be. You can focus on your own life and the people around you — things that are within your own control — and you can take your attention away from things you can’t change or control.

If you hate the world in which you live, redefine your world — and create a personal world where it’s healthy and safe to live.

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