David McElroy

A culture which defines itself by consumption has lost its values

By David McElroy · July 15, 2019

One of the women had a laptop. The other had a notebook and a pen. At first, I thought they were working, because they were focused on comparing information on the computer with a list they were making.

A third woman walked by their table — in the restaurant where I was having dinner Monday — and asked if they were ready “for the big day.”

And then I pieced together what was going on. They weren’t preparing for a presentation at work. They weren’t doing anything productive. They were merely getting ready to place their orders for Amazon’s “Prime Day” on Tuesday.

Here’s what else I learned. The woman with the laptop borrowed $2,000 to buy things Tuesday. The other one at the table told the third woman that she didn’t want to borrow any money to buy things, but she said she had $1,500 on a credit card to spend. She was explaining how many months it will take to pay off the card if she pays just a little more than the minimum each month.

Yes, you heard that right. She was proud that she didn’t have to borrow money — because she doesn’t understand that a credit card with interest payments is borrowing.

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Briefly: Four ways our brains fool us when it comes to love

By David McElroy · July 14, 2019

Your brain has almost certainly tricked you into making bad romantic choices. A California psychology professor writes in Psychology Today that there are four things our brains do that cause trouble: 1) We think we know what we want — but we don’t. I’ve seen this in myself and if you haven’t seen it yet, you will. The things I wanted in a mate when I was young are completely different from what the mature version of myself wants. 2) We like more choices — as many as possible. We tend to believe that more choices lead to a better selection in all sorts of areas, but the truth is that too many choices tend to lead to the paralysis of failure to choose. 3) We try to be rational by “keeping our options open.” We’re scared to make the choices we need to make, because we’re scared of doing the wrong thing. This keeps us trapped in bad situations — and better choices eventually disappear. 4) We stay with the wrong people, because we don’t want our effort to go to waste. I’ve done this. Maybe you have, too. On several occasions, I’ve stayed in a relationship that I knew was dead and needed to end. At this point in my life, I know to trust my gut. It’s a lot smarter about most things than my conscious brain.

Smallest ray of hope can make us feel a change we need is coming

By David McElroy · July 14, 2019

The physical space around me is almost always a reflection of how happy I am.

When I’m unhappy and feeling lost, my house becomes a wreck. I don’t clean much. I don’t pick up after myself. Before long, it looks as though I live in a place where there’s been a tornado.

When I’m happy and feeling loved, my habits are entirely different. I’ll happily keep things fairly neat and clean, at least by my standards. When my heart is happy, I keep things looking decent, which satisfies my mind’s need for order — and that reinforces my happiness.

I haven’t been cleaning the house much lately, so it’s been a mess.

But for the past few hours, I’ve been cleaning. I’ve been sweeping and vacuuming and filling bags of trash. (Lucy and the cats still hate the vacuum cleaner.) Late Saturday night, I looked around and realized it was time for change, so I launched into a cleaning spree that might take all night.

Why? The only explanation is that I suddenly had a vision of something powerful — something that I need — which suddenly seemed real and possible.

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