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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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feelings

This is my private confessional; the truths I write often scare me

By David McElroy · May 28, 2019

For me, writing is confession. A very private part of me is naked for you to see. I’m vulnerable and embarrassed at times — but what you see if the truth. If you want it.

If you read what I write here, you know a side of me which remains hidden from the rest of the world. Those who work with me have no idea about the things I confess to you. Those who meet me casually anywhere else would never guess about what I have to say here.

When I was young, I was very guarded, because I was afraid about what people might think of me. I wasn’t going to change who I was to suit them, but I was still afraid of their judgment. Slowly, though, that changed. I realized that I could be very open about who I am. Why?

Nobody else is paying attention to the things which I openly share — because they’re too busy being terrified about what people might think of them, too.

And so I engage in therapy here — by telling the truth — secure in the knowledge that almost nobody else will hear. And it makes me wish or hope that there are those among you who will understand and identify with my confession — who will silently say to themselves, “That’s the way I feel, too.”

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: confession, emotions, feelings, psychology, writing

When people push inner buttons, it’s easy to spiral down into dark

By David McElroy · July 9, 2018

I once dated a woman who had previously had a relationship with a very abusive man. Over several years, she endured beatings, rape and emotional abuse — mostly when he was drunk but sometimes when he was sober.

Soon after I met her, she told me that she should wear a sign on her shirt that read, “Caution: I have many hidden emotional triggers.” It turned out that she was right. She was so filled with painful memories of past experiences — full of post-traumatic stress syndrome — that she found it impossible to have a normal relationship.

I’ll never know what it feels like to be in a mind such as hers, but there are times when I feel as though I’ve had a taste of it — just enough to be haunted by demons that arise when someone triggers one of my own emotional buttons.

Today was filled with that feeling. Tonight, I’m left going back and forth between emotional numbness and rage that makes me want to hide from the world.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: abuse, depression, father, feelings, psychology, rage

Why can it feel strange to lose homes we haven’t seen for years?

By David McElroy · April 29, 2018

Do you see that empty space in the picture where a house used to be? That’s where our second house in Pensacola was — the one where the “who-moved-the-belt incident” took place.

After writing about it Saturday, I suddenly became curious whether the house was still there. According to this satellite image from Apple Maps, it’s just white sand where that house stood.

I don’t know why, but this makes me feel as though I’ve lost something. The memories are still there, but there was something more tangible about them when I could have gone to the house and shown you the specific places where my story took place.

Why does it bother us so much to lose places with which we associate our past?

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, feelings, history, pensacola

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When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmar This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmart near my house just a few minutes ago. It was a beautiful light show for just a few minutes.
Here’s proof that reality and satire are indisting Here’s proof that reality and satire are indistinguishable these days.
This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
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Someone just asked me about a cat I used to have w Someone just asked me about a cat I used to have who was almost all white, so I sent her a couple of pictures, so this seems like a good excuse to share photos of Amelia. The black cat with her in the second photo was named Dagny. Both of them have been gone for many years. I found Amelia in a restaurant parking lot as a kitten and I found Dagny underneath a trash dumpster as a kitten.
Alex and Oliver are chasing one another around the Alex and Oliver are chasing one another around the house, but Sam is just lying on the bed watching them — looking as though he thinks he’s the only one here who’s sane enough not to waste his energy. Personally, I think he’s right about that.
From the CritterCam: Nobody could ever say that Al From the CritterCam: Nobody could ever say that Alex doesn’t know how to relax. He’s quite a cool customer — until another human has to come into his house, of course. 😺
About half an hour before sunset Saturday, Alex is About half an hour before sunset Saturday, Alex is relaxing in the same office window where he was when I got home Friday evening.
At 2 a.m., Oliver is purring in my lap, but he jus At 2 a.m., Oliver is purring in my lap, but he just heard one of the cats — we can’t tell which one — jump to the floor in the next room, so he has he eyes intently on the door to see if one of them is about to come to the bedroom and become his late-night prey.
When I got home at 7:30 Friday evening, I found Al When I got home at 7:30 Friday evening, I found Alex sitting in a window waiting for me. I took this photo from the driveway. I loved Alex’s pose, especially with the reflection of the tree limbs behind me.
This was made sometime around 2005 and it’s one of This was made sometime around 2005 and it’s one of my favorite memories of these two dogs, both of whom have been dead for many years. It seems to be the only video I have of either one of them. The red-furred girl was named Lucy (after Lucille Ball) and she was very camera-shy (and shy in every other way, too). I was trying to get some video of her when Maggie — a dog who wasn’t the least big shy — decided she was jealous and wanted my attention instead. They were both amazing dogs.
There’s a widely observed bear wandering around in There’s a widely observed bear wandering around in Shelby County, south of Birmingham. Oliver heard about him and sneaked out of the house to go make a new friend. One of the latest pictures of the bear happened to catch this action shot of Oliver riding him around. He’s back at home now, so I’m not sure how he got out. 😺
From the CritterCam: You might have seen a picture From the CritterCam: You might have seen a picture I posted about 45 minutes ago showing Oliver asleep in this bed and Alex asleep in the hanging basket beyond him. I just checked the webcam and found Alex coming over to the bed to try to claim it as his own. Oliver lifted his head — as you see here — and Alex moved on. No fireworks over the spot tonight. 😺
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It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

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