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David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

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loneliness

Imagine what it would feel like to be alone and never again be heard

By David McElroy · March 13, 2019

I just had the strangest feeling of being alone that I can ever recall feeling. I don’t know what I want to say about it, but I feel oddly driven to talk about it — while I still feel whatever this was.

It felt like a dark black fabric was suddenly closing in on the room around me. I didn’t feel threatened. I didn’t feel any ill health. It didn’t represent death. It simply felt like a heavy curtain coming to separate me from everyone else in the world.

I suddenly felt as though I could walk out of my house and into the street — and nobody would be there. It felt as though I could walk or drive or fly all over and I would find nobody. I’ve never felt quite this way — as though I would never again see anyone and nobody would ever see me.

I’ve never felt so alone. I’ve never felt as lonely as I felt in that moment.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: alien, fear, loneliness

No loneliness is worse than being with people, but not a specific one

By David McElroy · February 27, 2019

This has happened to me before. It will happen again. Maybe it’s happened to you.

I got into my car Wednesday evening after a long day at work. Nothing earth-shattering happened, but it was busy. Interesting things happened. OK, more like “mildly interesting” things. But as I absentmindedly left the I-65 ramp to merge onto I-459 heading home, I picked up my iPhone to make a call. And then I stopped.

What was I doing? Oh, yeah. I picked up the phone to call her.

It wasn’t a conscious impulse. Nothing in me decided it was finally time to call her out of the blue. It was just an automatic reflex of my body to a yearning that I’m accustomed to squelching all the time.

Oh, yeah. We don’t talk anymore. I can’t call her. I can’t tell her what happened today. And I felt it again — that painful jolt that hits my nervous system every time this happens — as though something inside dies once more to realize how things really are.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: loneliness, love, romantic

Emotional toll from surgery harder than recovery from physical effects

By David McElroy · January 7, 2019

Until it was all over, I had no idea how close I came to dying a year ago today.

It was supposed to be routine surgery. I was supposed to go home that afternoon. But surgery that was supposed to last for 30 minutes went on for hours. My gallbladder was so “diseased” — the surgeon’s word — that it was breaking apart during surgery. He said I could have died from sepsis.

I was recovering from the surgery Sunday afternoon — still assuming everything had gone normally — when the surgeon came to visit me and explain how lucky I had been.

Nurses and doctors told me I should take a couple of weeks to recover because of the unexpected complexity of the surgery, but I was back at work before the week was over. Others who had had the same surgery warned me that it would take months — maybe up to a year — before I felt right.

What nobody prepared me for was the emotional effect it had on me.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: loneliness, love, surgery

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Ever since a neighbor strung some decorative light Ever since a neighbor strung some decorative lights in his back yard a year or so ago, I’ve been trying to figure out how to photograph them. In person, the effect is stunning on the yard, but I’ve struggled to figure out any sort of perspective that would be interesting. I’m still not entirely happy with this, but it’s th best I’ve been able to come up with so far. #lights #backyard #birmingham #alabama
It’s 27 degrees in Birmingham after midnight, bu It’s 27 degrees in Birmingham after midnight, but the thick fog covering my neighborhood right now makes it feel magical enough to ignore the miserable cold for a few minutes. #nature #naturephotography #fog #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
As I was getting into the car after work just afte As I was getting into the car after work just after 5 p.m., I looked up and saw this beautiful full moon shining through the bare limbs of a nearby tree. #nature #naturephotography #tree #moon #birmingham #alabama
Here are the top nine photos I’ve posted on this Here are the top nine photos I’ve posted on this account in 2020, as determined by your “likes.” #topnine
It’s very foggy in my neighborhood as Lucy and I It’s very foggy in my neighborhood as Lucy and I take our walk late Saturday night. #nature #naturephotography #fog #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
The moonlight is bright and widely diffused in the The moonlight is bright and widely diffused in the heavy fog in my neighborhood tonight. #moonlight #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
This was the Birmingham sunset just a few minutes This was the Birmingham sunset just a few minutes before 5 p.m. Wednesday. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just remembered a photo I took as I walked out o I just remembered a photo I took as I walked out of my front door at lunch to come back to the office. As you can see, we still have quite a few leaves on most of our trees. #nature #naturephotography #sky #tree #autumn #birmingham #alabama
As I was coming back from the bank just a moment a As I was coming back from the bank just a moment ago, I saw some lovely color along Shades Crest Road in the Bluff Park neighborhood. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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Molly contemplates life late Tuesday night from he Molly contemplates life late Tuesday night from her perch on the fireplace mantle in the office. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
From the top of a bookshelf near the ceiling of th From the top of a bookshelf near the ceiling of the office, Thomas extends himself over the edge to keep watch over his vast kingdom below. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode in the car with me. She was on her way to her “forever home” with me, but she didn’t know that, so she was terrified that night. It was a much happier and braver girl who took a ride in the car tonight so we could go through a drive-through window and order a hamburger for her — to celebrate five years with me. She had a great time. If she could remember five years ago tonight, she would be proud of how far she’s come, too. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is pretty close to feline nirvana when he s Merlin is pretty close to feline nirvana when he sleeps on the heating pad that they’ve had for the last month or two. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
On a dark and rainy Sunday afternoon, Molly has be On a dark and rainy Sunday afternoon, Molly has been sleeping in an office window — and she doesn’t really want to wake up for photos. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Thomas poses for a new formal portrait in the wee Thomas poses for a new formal portrait in the wee hours of Sunday morning. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Late Saturday night, Lucy waits patiently for me t Late Saturday night, Lucy waits patiently for me to finally decide it’s time for her walk. She’s patient, but she never forgets to remind me. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Molly keeps a watchful eye on her human. If she’ Molly keeps a watchful eye on her human. If she’s not careful, she might accidentally purr if he sneaks up on her and forces her to get unwanted loving. And that’s intolerable to her. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
For “throwback Thursday,” here’s a shot of M For “throwback Thursday,” here’s a shot of Molly’s late sister, Bessie, who I lost almost three years ago. This was shortly after I brought Molly and Bessie in as kittens in about 2008. They looked pretty much identical as kittens and grew up to look like twins as well. #cats #tbt
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Briefly

It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode in the car with me. She was on her way to her “forever home” with me that night, but she didn’t know it, so she was terrified. It was a much happier and braver girl who took a ride in the car tonight so we could go through a drive-through window and order a hamburger for her — to celebrate five years with me. She had a great time. If she could remember five years ago tonight, she would be proud of how far she’s come, too. If you’d like to know more about Lucy’s journey from scared dog to brave queen of the household, here’s something I wrote after her first year with me. I’m hoping this girl will have many more happy years with me.

I’ve never been attracted to skinny women. There’s nothing wrong with someone who’s naturally thin, but it’s never been my preference. What has shocked me, though, is the judgment I’ve heard from women all through my life — about themselves and others — about who’s “fat.” I concluded long ago that most women in our culture have been brainwashed to believe that skinny is attractive — and that anything other than skinny is ugly. I first assumed that I was the oddball — for preferring women with bigger and heavier bodies — but I’m coming to the conclusion that most men naturally feel this way to one extent or another. I just ran across new research by a couple of Northwestern University psychology professors that shows that women seriously overestimate how much a straight man will be attracted to a skinny woman. In a perfect world, we would all be at a healthy weight, but when it comes to attractiveness, too heavy is more attractive than skinny. At least to me — and to a lot of men, too.

Years ago, I heard a question that seemed very insightful at the time. You’ve probably heard it, too. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? The question is intended to help you uncover things you really want to do, but which you’re afraid to try — for fear of failure. In an interview today, I heard the great marketing guru Seth Godin give a different point of view. He said the better question is to ask what you would do even if you knew it would fail. That struck me as far more insightful than the original version. We ought to be doing what we know is right, not what will maximize our success or praise from others. There are some battles that are worth fighting even if you believe you’re doomed to failure. Those battles are often for love or important ideas or our children. Some things are simply worth fighting for — and the truth is that you might win anyway. Do the right thing. Take the chance.

The more I understand about myself, about human nature and about the nature of reality, the more I realize I’m a radical by the standards of both Modernism and Postmodernism. Seeing the things which I’m stumbling toward makes me an enemy of many of the core ideas upon which contemporary culture is built. It exposes the culture as a monstrous lie — like a dangerous infection that’s slowly destroying what human were created to be. My “inner observer” has always known that truth was found in the ideas of the Enlightenment, but I’m slowly finding words to explain what has merely been instinct until now. The Enlightenment was humanity’s great leap forward, but shallow and arrogant thinkers for the next two centuries threw away the fruits of that achievement. We can’t go forward as a species until we go back to correct this intellectual and spiritual error — and part of that is acknowledging that our collective attempts to do away with our Creator will always fail.

I’ve come to believe that some of us — including me — aren’t very good at knowing how to be happy. I don’t mean that in the sense that happy talk and positive thinking should be able to make us happy regardless of the circumstances. I mean that some of us had so much experience with being unhappy when we were young that we were trained to be unhappy — and that being happy is an unconsciously uncomfortable thing. When I look at times in my past when I should have been happy, it rarely lasted. I believe now that I found reasons to be unhappy — and caused real problems for myself — because being comfortable and happy felt so foreign to my programming. If I’m right, this means that some of us have to do more than just change our circumstances. It means we have to learn how to accept the happiness that we unconsciously fear we don’t deserve.

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