I found myself in a time machine Monday night. My body didn’t move, but my mind and my heart were transported to the years when I was a teen-ager.
I didn’t mean to take this trip into the past. I ran across a YouTube video promising snippets of the most popular song from every month of the decade of my youth. I was curious whether I’d know all the songs. It never occurred to me that the music would awaken something disturbing.
At first, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. Then the songs reached the years when I was about 14, 15 and 16.
All of a sudden, I was feeling emotions I had experienced during those years. Some of the sounds awakened specific memories. My mind was a blur. What I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions.
I can talk clinically about the experience of growing up with a narcissistic father and an absent mother. I can outline the ways this affected me, but I almost always talk about it with the matter-of-fact tone of reciting facts.
What I felt tonight wasn’t about reason or psychology or dry narrative. It was a flood of feelings such as fear and shame and pain. They were emotions I was too terrified to openly feel at the time.

Will you uncover your blind spots? Or will you ignore red flags again?
Ruthless impersonal judgment is typical tool of cultural conformity
When people push inner buttons, it’s easy to spiral down into dark
Nightmarish dreams mean dead can continue to play mind games
Will Honduras establish the first modern free city? It’s possible
What if I hadn’t been afraid to follow Paul Finebaum’s advice 20 years ago?
Where are Obama’s tears when he’s the one killing innocent children?
It’s a very old cliche, but it’s true: Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt