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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Why did we slowly let them strip our neighborhoods of most trees?

By David McElroy · June 5, 2019

As I sat in the back yard with Lucy late Wednesday afternoon, I suddenly looked around me at all the trees and started comparing my neighborhood to modern neighborhoods.

I had shown houses earlier in the afternoon in very nice (and very expensive) neighborhoods. My little house built in 1927 was certainly different in design, but there was a much more obvious difference.

The real difference in the way the neighborhoods feel — to me, at least — is in the trees.

The trees in my older neighborhood are the ones that were there when this was a forest. Most of them were left exactly where the builders found them. Because of that, there is a stunning natural canopy that covers much of the street. I’m enchanted by some of the bigger trees right around my house. They make me happy.

That organic feel is missing when I visit most of the nice newer neighborhoods where I show houses. Even in neighborhoods where the developer carefully planned buffer zones of trees, the yards feel more sterile. It’s very clear that someone bulldozed the whole place and then planted just enough decorative trees to look good on promotional brochures.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: architecture, design, environment, trees

If we always beat ourselves up, how will we ever heal and grow?

By David McElroy · June 4, 2019

I’ve never been very kind to myself.

I didn’t realize that for a long time. Because my internal dialogue was all I’d ever known, I didn’t realize there was any other way to live.

I’ve always been vicious to myself when it came to my physical appearance. When I was a child, I was honestly convinced I was the ugliest boy around. As I got a little older, my worst fear was that no woman would ever be attracted to me.

For my entire adult life, I seem to have been looking for one reason after another to feel shame about myself. Even when there was nothing objective to feel bad about, I couldn’t seem to help myself. I found things to criticize, to doubt and to cause shame.

This has been my template for so many things in life. One of the reasons I know my faults so well — and am willing to admit them to you — is that I’ve spent so much time cataloguing my failings and setting up plans for improving myself.

Lately, though, I’ve found myself dialing down the shame. I’ve started feeling that maybe — just maybe — it’s OK to accept myself, even as I work on becoming a better person.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: psychology, self-care, self-esteem, self-improvement, shame

Forget your partner’s best traits; worst traits predict your future

By David McElroy · June 3, 2019

See if you’ve heard this story before. Or maybe lived it.

It was about 12 years ago when my friend married a man who seemed like her dream guy. She cared about money and status and prestige in her church and community. He had it all. He was a successful businessman. He was respected and held positions in community organizations. He was a leader at his church who served on committees and boards.

Before they married, there were warning signs, but she ignored them. He checked every box on her list of things she wanted. Anything else must be insignificant. She could deal with the rest as long as she had her dream man. Her friends and family told her how lucky she was to have someone with his qualities. She agreed.

After the wedding, the fantasy started fading. Those little warning signs she had ignored — the flashes of anger and cruelty — became more common. He routinely called her vile names. He bullied her into not talking with friends anymore. He was insanely jealous for no reason.

And because she thought she had no choice — since she had her dream guy — she put up with it.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: intimacy, love, marriage, psychology, relationships, vulnerability

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Future Photo Display

As part of my effort to rid my life of social media, I will no longer display links to my two Instagram accounts here. Those accounts will be dormant for the time being and will eventually be deleted. I plan to have a method for displaying photos here instead, but the solutions I’ve tested so far have been disappointing. I’m still working on it.

My Instagram

Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026
When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing so When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing some work in the studio and Oliver wanted to join me, so I showed him around to acclimate him to the place again. He rarely goes in there, but I have pictures of him in that studio on the night I brought him home as a kitten. 😺
Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
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With each passing day, Meg is relaxing more and be With each passing day, Meg is relaxing more and becoming more trusting. Just after midnight Thursday night, she’s relaxing in my arms and purring.
Meg wants to hang out on my chest and purr all eve Meg wants to hang out on my chest and purr all evening. I need to change clothes at some point.
When I got home, I took Meg into the office to bri When I got home, I took Meg into the office to briefly visit the other three cats. Alex had a big hiss for her when she got too close to him. There was a bit of hissing all around, but nothing that I didn’t expect. I’d say we’re right on track for what I’ve gone through many times before.
In the wee hours of the night, Meg is relaxing on In the wee hours of the night, Meg is relaxing on the bed and keeping me company as I write. She’s a beautiful little friend.
I just got back after being out for a couple of ho I just got back after being out for a couple of hours and she welcomed me home with a lot of purring. She’s now taking a bath on the floor at my feet.
The new tuxedo girl is rapidly adjusting to living The new tuxedo girl is rapidly adjusting to living inside a house — and I think she likes it. I’ve allowed very little interaction with the other cats so far, but she’s already learned to relax on the bed. I’m still leaning heavily toward calling her Meg (after the young protagonist of “A Wrinkle In Time.”)
The tuxedo girl has been exploring the house that The tuxedo girl has been exploring the house that she has access to (the parts away from the three boys). My leading candidate to be her name at this point is Meg (after Meg Murry, the protagonist in the wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time”). She seems to be adjusting very quickly.
The new tuxedo girl is far too “squirmy” at this p The new tuxedo girl is far too “squirmy” at this point for me to get much video of her, but every time she jumps down from my lap, she starts rubbing against my leg, demanding to be picked up again. She’s quickly adjusting. I was also happy to hear her using a litter box for the first time since I brought her inside 36 hours ago.
I have the tuxedo girl in a carrier and I’m giving I have the tuxedo girl in a carrier and I’m giving the other cats a chance to come around to see her if they want to. Oliver has been watching her. Sam came briefly, but he ran off. There’s been no hissing so far, so that’s a good start.
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Briefly

Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

It hasn’t happened yet, but there’s a possibility that I might be taking in a fourth feline. A couple of months ago, a cat-loving neighbor asked whether I’d seen a “tuxedo cat” hanging out in the neighborhood. I hadn’t, but this guy eventually wandered past my house a few weeks later — and we haven’t been able to find evidence that he has a home. I’ve been giving him water and food for the last week and he finally let me pet him two nights ago. He’s purred for me two nights in a row and he let me take a low-quality selfie with him Thursday night. Tonight, though, he let me pick him up and bring him inside to look around. This went surprisingly well, as you can see from this photo. I don’t know whether he’ll be joining the family, but I’m certain that Alex, Oliver and Sam would vote no, at least until they get to know him. I’m trying to make certain he doesn’t have a home, but if he does join us, what do you suppose his name will be?

It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

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