In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
A year later, late-night phone call and suicide threat still echo in me
I’m looking at myself in mirror and asking difficult questions
Shingle reminds me what it felt like for someone to believe in me

Regardless of political beliefs, why does anyone watch Bill O’Reilly?
Accepting joy tomorrow does no good if tomorrow never comes
Obama: ‘…all the choices we’ve made have been the right ones…’
We rarely have wisdom we need ’til it’s too late to avoid mistakes
Each loss makes me feel grateful for the irreplaceable ones I love
We all know fairy tales aren’t true, but maybe we need such illusions