In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
Emotions such as fear, anger cause distraction, make focus difficult
Being treated with respect changed black teen’s racial beliefs in 1974

We love great tales of salvation, but real change rarely happens
Sex abuse of powerless rampant; denying its serious harm obscene
For good or bad, we default back to what feels most familiar to us
Colorado high school student quits choir over Islamic worship song
Why does the mainstream ignore those whose predictions were right?
Financial ignorance from your TV: Gold may not be around next year