I’ve discovered my “ideal girl” about half a dozen times so far — and each experience has changed me.
In the second grade, there was Lisa Lane. By the fifth grade, Wendy Ford was the new standard. In the eighth grade, I met Gail James. Nothing immediately came of that, but by the time we were freshmen in college, we finally dated. For the next three years. I almost married her.
As an adult, there have been three other women, each one more perfect — in some way I couldn’t explain — than the previous one. Not a single one of the women has actually been perfect, of course, but I was changed in powerful ways by having loved each of them.
What I’ve slowly learned is that being in love brings out something like a superpower in me. I’m a different person when I’m in love. I can achieve more. I’m a better human being. I become a finer version of myself.
I’m coming to understand that this person is who I need to be all the time. Russian novelist Anton Chekhov understood this more than most.
“Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state,” Chekhov wrote. “Being in love shows a person who he should be.”
Being in love has shown me who I need to be. It has shown me the best that I can become.

THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Anne, the cat who’d love to live in a shoe
Documents force me to rethink some old beliefs about my father
NYC cop’s profanity-laden threats secretly caught on videotape
My ideal woman will never exist, but I keep falling in love with her
With each ‘improvement,’ we’re losing family and community
Should a rational person question orthodox assumptions on climate?
Looking for truth in random noise? Or is there meaning for me in this?
We’re all broken, but some of us find meaning in broken partners
Anonymous attacker hit me hard, but I can’t let coward change me