At every stage of my life, I’ve raged against authority — because my father made me so terrified of being controlled — but I’ve also begged for someone to give me permission to pursue what I wanted.
I needed some authority’s approval and permission, but I was angry that I didn’t feel as though I could just stand on my own. Every time I’ve wanted to throw myself into some project — such as a new business — I’ve felt as though I was paralyzed — until someone gave me permission.
After all these years, I’ve still been unconsciously waiting for my father to give me permission to be myself.
This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or can can watch this video below.

Pursuit of perfection leaves me feeling shame when I’m flawed
Chance encounter with woman leaves me grateful for my health
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Sam, the baby kitten I stole
Meeting with dead man left me pondering choices of life, death
Miss. church turns back clock by refusing to marry black couple
AUDIO: I might not love you if I don’t imagine that you’re perfect
To stay sane during life’s battles, aliens need places of sanctuary
You’ve been lied to: Freedom and democracy are different things
Unexpected proposal leaves me pondering my craving to be loved