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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Even when we’re right, criticism stems from our own insecurities

By David McElroy · September 14, 2018

I can tell you what’s wrong with everybody I know.

Actually, I’m so good at spotting others’ flaws that I can do it in people I don’t even know. That person is a terrible driver. He’s rude. She has horrible grammar. He won’t learn from his mistakes. She’s too stupid to do her job.

I’m humiliated to admit this, partly because I’m the biggest hypocrite I know. Not all the time, but sometimes.

I catch myself viciously criticizing others for something as they drive, but I catch myself doing the same thing — and finding a quick way to justify myself — a day or two later. I tell myself somebody is a failure — or at least not achieving what he could — because he won’t live up to my idea of how he should pursue his life, but I regularly make the same mistakes and try to justify those mistakes when I do them.

My only consolation is that almost everybody I know does the same thing. I realize I’m trying to let myself off the hook by saying, “Well, everybody does it,” but it’s true. The question is why I do it — and why all of us sometimes do it.

It’s because we’re all terrified we aren’t good enough — that we’re not worthy of love.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: love, psychology, shame, understanding

Until you ask the right questions, you’ll never find missing answers

By David McElroy · September 13, 2018

Most people are addicted to their pain and their drama. If you offer them a way out — even if they ask for one — they will almost certainly ignore it. They have too much invested in the dysfunctional narrative which they believe is reality.

That kind of dysfunctional narrative can’t survive tough questions, though, so humans avoid those hard questions.

That means your root assumptions about yourself and your life are almost never examined. You are too invested in justifying your old decisions and protecting yourself from imagined dangers that you go right along living out the same old mistakes and experiencing the same pain, frequently to the point you have to become numb to survive.

Even if you believe you need change, you find excuse after excuse to keep living as you always have. You say you’ll change your life, but before you know it, the weeks turn to months and the months turn to years. By then, your life is so far down a miserable road that you convince yourself it “isn’t that bad” — because you know there’s no way out.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: answers, change, emotional health, psychology, questions

If you beg someone to make you his priority, you hurt yourself

By David McElroy · September 10, 2018

The last time I had seen Amanda, she had been happy. She started dating a new guy a couple of months ago and she was happy. But when I saw her Monday evening, she was down and I asked her why.

Her new boyfriend works out of town and spends about half his time on the road for periods of 10 to 14 days. This pattern made the relationship difficult, but she confessed tonight that the real problem is that he seems more interested in spending time with his other friends than with her. He had just come back to town Thursday and was leaving again this morning. He spent the weekend hanging out with his friends — and mostly ignoring her.

“How can I get him to spend more time with me,” Amanda asked me in frustration. “He says he loves me, but when he has time, I’m his last priority. How can I make him care more about us?”

In a strange twist of fate, a Facebook friend had tagged me Monday afternoon in some words I had to say on this subject six or seven years ago. I still agreed with what I posted years ago, but I squirmed at how I had been a hypocrite.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: love, psychology, relationships

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Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmar This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmart near my house just a few minutes ago. It was a beautiful light show for just a few minutes.
Here’s proof that reality and satire are indisting Here’s proof that reality and satire are indistinguishable these days.
This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, check out the sponsor of one of my upcoming YouTube video episodes. 🙃 #parody #threestooges
Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color is poking through the skies to the east of my back yard.
The lights and color might have been more spectacu The lights and color might have been more spectacular a couple of minutes before this, but this was the best view I had of the Monday afternoon sunset from a bridge over I-20 in Moody, Ala.
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Early Thursday afternoon, Alex is sitting on an of Early Thursday afternoon, Alex is sitting on an office window ledge stalking Oliver as he innocently meandered into the office. Just a moment after this, Alex pounced and the chase was on.
It was impossible for me to get a decent picture w It was impossible for me to get a decent picture with Sam for a long time, but then he finally started letting pick him up for brief photos. It’s a new thing for him to casually hang out in this way so I can get a video with him. It’s a wonderful thing to slowly earn the trust of a formerly feral cat.
Alex was waiting on his castle when I got home fro Alex was waiting on his castle when I got home from work, keeping watch like this when I came into the office. Either he missed me — possible, I suppose — or he has developed an incredibly accurate internal dinner clock.
A furry antidepressant is often the very best kind A furry antidepressant is often the very best kind.
Alex woke up from a nap, spent a few minutes chasi Alex woke up from a nap, spent a few minutes chasing a toy mouse, and then exhausted himself to the point that another nap became necessary. It’s important to pace yourself.
Sam settled into a front office window Tuesday eve Sam settled into a front office window Tuesday evening to keep an eye on things. Nobody knows exactly what things he’s keeping an eye on, but he’s taking the responsibility very seriously.
Alex slowly opened one eye and then the other. He Alex slowly opened one eye and then the other. He evaluated the situation in the office late Tuesday afternoon and concluded that being awake remains overrated.
Oliver is just lying in a front window and purring Oliver is just lying in a front window and purring loudly Tuesday morning as he keeps a close eye on the neighborhood.
I’m about to have to take a brief trip — maybe 15 I’m about to have to take a brief trip — maybe 15 minutes — after midnight and this is the sort of trip that Lucy used to take with me all the time. Because I’m missing her tonight — and thinking about her because she would be coming along with me right now if she were still with me — here’s a random video clip of her enjoying a car ride. This was May 5, 2020, at 7:36 p.m. It’s been almost eight months now since I lost her.
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It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

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