In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
To save my own sanity, it’s time for me to shut up about Trump
In the name of ‘fairness,’ everyone forced to pay for expensive chair lifts
Words on paper don’t give governments the right to rob us

Class experiment is evidence: Folks want something for nothing
Timeless design principles beat suburban McMansions for beauty
Leave your dead past behind; that’s not where you’re going
Rand Paul shows you can fight the system or join it — but not both
Death of stranger’s dog reminds me how much dogs mean to us
What are you likely to regret when it’s too late to change?