My life has become a long quest to resolve a crisis of faith.
It’s not just about religion or theology, though. It’s about all of life. I didn’t even recognize what was going on when it started. At one point, everything made sense. I had a coherent worldview. That’s what I thought anyway — until the foundations of my life broke down, one by one.
When I was young, everything made sense to me. I had what seemed to be a coherent “theory of everything.” I knew The Truth, not because I had found something, but simply because I had grown up being taught exactly how things ought to be.
My understanding of The Truth wasn’t just about theology or God or anything so narrow. I had an integrated set of beliefs about reality. About everything. They all fit together — like the parts of a beautiful building.
My “theory of everything” was a work of great art which had been designed with mathematical precision — by an architect who was also a great engineer.
The central pillar of that structure of beliefs was my father. Even though I now understand that my family was deeply dysfunctional, I believed that everything my father taught me was right and good. I got angry with him at times and I pushed back in small ways, but I was ultimately too afraid to rebel against this god-like father who ruled my life.

Our inexplicable behavior ‘signals’ to the world who and what we are
Please read this: If you love books and smart women, you might cry, too
Could we stop being disappointed by just understanding each other?
Yes, Trump is scary and crazy, but fear the immoral system, not him
A month after my father’s death, it doesn’t feel real that he’s gone
When we’re scared of real love, we can panic if someone loves us
Ethnic Indian wins Miss America? Who cares? Bigots seem upset
Maturity asked me to learn that I’d never win certain arguments