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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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FRIDAY FUNNIES

By David McElroy · January 27, 2012

There’s a vicious debate that rages among two gangs who oppose each other in a fight to the finish. Yes, it’s the battle over whether to use the serial comma or not — the one commonly referred to as the Oxford comma (or Harvard comma). I don’t use it, but don’t tell the pro-Oxford faction or my life won’t be worth a plugged nickel. (If the joke doesn’t make sense to you, you’re probably way too normal to be reading here.)

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What happened when a coach valued discipline over winning?

By David McElroy · January 27, 2012

What does a coach do when his players talk back to him, ignore his game instructions and can’t be on time for practice? Most coaches today would grumble, but accept it as part of dealing with modern youth. Coach Mike Allen suspended his starting five players instead.

Allen took over coaching the boys’ basketball team at Gunderson High School in San Jose last year. He believes in discipline and respect, but he didn’t find much of those qualities among the players on his team. Instead, he found lousy attitudes and a lack of commitment.

He gave the players on the team “two, three, four chances” to correct their shortcomings, but nothing changed. Allen said the players continued to talk back to him, ignore his instructions during games and “showboat” on the court. So he suspended the starters. Shortly afterwards, the rest of the team confronted him, demanding that he reinstate the suspended players. When he refused, all 13 members of the team quit.

“I refused to win at all costs,” Allen told the San Jose Mercury News. “I knew I needed to take a stand or it wasn’t going to be a worthwhile season.”

After he lost his entire team, he called up players from the junior varsity team. He’s now playing a varsity schedule with just six underaged and unprepared players. The team has a 3-16 record — and all three of the wins came from before the suspensions. In many games, the young players are being blown out. They finished one game with just four players, after two of them fouled out.

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Emotions such as fear, anger cause distraction, make focus difficult

By David McElroy · January 26, 2012

As I waited to pull onto U.S. 11 just a few miles from my house Wednesday evening, there didn’t seem to be anything unusual about it. The highway is busy that time of day, with two lanes of traffic in each direction and a turn lane in the middle. I’ve crossed those lanes hundreds of times, and I had no way of knowing this time was going to be different.

Traffic was heavy, but I was going to have time to cross to the other side if I timed it well. Just as I pulled out, though, an oncoming car did something I didn’t expect. I accelerated to get out of the way, barreling into the turn lane, where a car coming from another direction had just unexpectedly moved. I changed directions once again and ended up in yet another lane, startling another driver.

I’d almost hit at least three cars. I pulled off the road to think about this.

When a doctor first diagnosed me with breast cancer two weeks ago and said I had to have surgery, I expected to go through changing emotions in the days leading up to the experience. But knowing that and experiencing it are two entirely different things. Four days before I’m scheduled to be cut on next Monday, I can say I’ve had a number of emotions creep up on me unexpectedly.

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This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmar This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmart near my house just a few minutes ago. It was a beautiful light show for just a few minutes.
Here’s proof that reality and satire are indisting Here’s proof that reality and satire are indistinguishable these days.
This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, check out the sponsor of one of my upcoming YouTube video episodes. 🙃 #parody #threestooges
Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color is poking through the skies to the east of my back yard.
The lights and color might have been more spectacu The lights and color might have been more spectacular a couple of minutes before this, but this was the best view I had of the Monday afternoon sunset from a bridge over I-20 in Moody, Ala.
I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hour I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hours ago of the fading sunset while I was in the Publix parking lot on the way home. If you suddenly find yourself craving Arby’s or Wendy’s, blame the giant icons in the sky, not me. 😃 (BTW, this was with the iPhone’s 8X telephoto lens.) #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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I’m trying to get us all to sleep early for a chan I’m trying to get us all to sleep early for a change and Alex seems as though he’s ready to cooperate.
When I got home a few minutes ago, Oliver was asle When I got home a few minutes ago, Oliver was asleep in an office window. By the time I got inside the house and met him in the bedroom, he and Alex were there to demand their dinner.
Every neighborhood has that one person who knows w Every neighborhood has that one person who knows what’s going on. Around here, it’s Sam.
When I got home around midnight, Alex wanted lap t When I got home around midnight, Alex wanted lap time, but he suddenly saw Oliver stalking us from the other side of the room — and his eyes locked in like powerful tracking devices. A few seconds after this, he launched himself at Oliver and they’re currently chasing each other back and forth between the bedroom and the office.
Sam is busy with his Neighborhood Watch duties Wed Sam is busy with his Neighborhood Watch duties Wednesday afternoon.
Alex has been playing just after midnight with a s Alex has been playing just after midnight with a string that I was teasing him with, but he’s suddenly realized how sleepy he is, so his battery is running down very quickly.
Sam is standing in the doorway between the bedroom Sam is standing in the doorway between the bedroom and the office giving me a withering stare — to make sure I know he isn’t happy about the late dinner service tonight.
A new neighbor is moving into the house across the A new neighbor is moving into the house across the street today and Oliver is very interested in this development.
I got home at midnight and Alex immediately demand I got home at midnight and Alex immediately demanded lap time. Before long, he was falling asleep on his back with all four paws headed in different directions.
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Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

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