When I was younger, one of my neighbors came over and said he had something important to talk about.
“I have good news,” he said as he waved a piece of paper. “I’ve just signed the neighborhood constitution. It’s going to keep you safe and free. You’re not going to have to worry about a thing, because I’m going to take care of you. Best of all, I’m protecting you against attacks from space aliens.”
I’d never considered the notion that I needed to worry about being attacked by space aliens, but the more I thought about it, well, it seemed like a good idea to have someone protect me from them. And Mr. Madison seemed so sincere, so I figured he must be right.
Not much changed at first. I went on living my life and kept to myself. Every now and then Mr. Madison would tell me that I needed to change something about my house or my yard, but it was no big deal. Mostly I was relieved because the aliens hadn’t attacked.
Mr. Madison couldn’t do all of the protecting and ordering himself, so he deputized members of his family to help out. He only appointed the best, of course, so they had my best interests at heart. That’s what they told me, anyway.

When Demopublicans and Republicrats clash, you lose
Homeless man on a cold night leaves me with hard questions
Would you secretly kill someone to get what you want the most?
Union rules protect pepper-spraying cop from the firing he deserves
A bully picked a fight that night — and now I’m dreaming about it
Shock of seeing ‘Airplane!’ was realizing that I wasn’t all alone
Desperate need to be special drives me to try to matter to those I love
Hypocritical Republicans wimp out on free market when politics calls