It was early on a Sunday morning. I can’t describe my parents’ bedroom, but I know where we lived. I can’t tell you what else was going on. I just remember playing with my father on their bed.
My favorite game on all of these Sunday mornings was when he would let me climb onto his legs and he would lift me into the air, higher than a little boy knew was possible. I laughed gleefully and wanted to ride again and again.
I was a happy little boy in those moments.
This faded photograph from my baby book is the only physical evidence of those times, but my memory is more powerful than a photo anyway. You might not be able to tell in the darkness of the old picture, but that’s my father’s face on the lower left. I’m on top of his legs and he’s holding onto me with his outstretched hands.
Now that my father has been dead for more than three years, I wish I could erase all of the bad things about him in my memory. I wish it were possible to lose all the evidence of the angry and abusive narcissist who hurt me.
I wish I could hold onto just the loving and tender moments with my father, because those memories are powerful.

My programming from childhood still equates blame with shame
A month after my father’s death, it doesn’t feel real that he’s gone
News used to be important; now it’s well-dressed entertainment
I want to live a life my kids will want to emulate as they grow up
Freedom lovers, why do so many of you still blindly trust the GOP?
Humans are impatient, but changes in Alabama show speed of change
Eviction moratorium is pure theft; it’s a sign of creeping socialism
If Ron Paul was ‘our last hope,’ what’s your backup plan now?
Each experience of beauty and love stands alone, different from the rest