David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

We can’t save every animal in need, but I was happy to save Kiko’s life

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I didn’t realize it at first, but Kiko was minutes from death when I met her.

It was about 15 years ago and I had just pulled up to my vet’s office on a routine visit for yearly vaccinations. I had a couple of kitty carriers loaded with some of my cats. As I was getting them out of the back seat, a man parked next to me and then got out of his car with a big white dog.

Kiko was beautiful and full of energy. I didn’t recognize her as an akita, because I was unfamiliar with the breed. I told the man he had a beautiful dog, but he barely acknowledged me. He seemed angry and uninterested in talking.

When we got inside the office, he went straight to one of the exam rooms. I asked Barb, one of the clinic employees, what was going on. She told me that the man had brought this beautiful dog into the clinic to have her killed — because he couldn’t control her well enough.

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I can’t help wanting to replay life with emotionally healthy parents

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When I was born, babies were kept away from families for awhile. Even the mother didn’t have a lot of time with the baby right after birth. For the most part, the babies spent their time in a nursery, separated from visitors by a huge sheet of glass.

I’m one of those babies in the nursery above. I’ve been told that I was the one on the front left, but I can’t be sure of that. The man you see reflected in the glass — the one in the short-sleeve dress shirt and tie — was my father. For days, he couldn’t hold his first-born child — and I’m told that he spent hours watching me, just like this.

My father could be a very loving man at times. Because I had to go so many years without being able to talk about his terrifying narcissistic side, you’ve heard me speak quite a bit this year — since he died in April — about the awful side of growing up with him.

But when I look at a picture like this from my baby book — with him longing to hold and love his new son — it breaks my heart, because it reminds me how much he wanted to love me and how much he wanted me to love him.

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Looking at old photos reminds me of success I once took for granted

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When I was a child, I was mesmerized by seeing my name on McElroy Motor Co. in downtown Birmingham. It was just a used car dealership, but it made me feel successful.

The company had moved from this location by the time I remember visiting, but I still remember wandering around the lot while my father visited his Uncle Emory — my grandfather’s brother — who owned the place. I remember standing in front of the main sign and seeing my name in huge letters and thinking that I would do far greater things one day — and that I would one day have my name on even bigger signs.

I don’t know exactly what I expected. I was probably 4 or 5 years old when I used to visit, but I know I was obsessed with the idea of success — the idea that I was going to achieve great things. There was something about this tiny bit of family success that made me feel as though anything was possible.

When I look back on that child, I can see why some people might have thought I was arrogant. I was unfailingly polite and charming to adults, but I always quietly believed I was the smartest person in every room. I never doubted that others would one day recognize my greatness — and I believed they would want to follow me.

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