David McElroy

Painful confession: I’m envious of those who have the things I want

By David McElroy · June 15, 2018

I never thought envy was a problem for me. I really didn’t.

When I discovered the Enneagram personality typing system a few years ago, it was scary how correct most of it was — both the flattering parts and the ugly parts. But descriptions I read said the “deadly sin” or passion of the Type 4 was envy.

“That couldn’t be me,” I thought, “because I don’t feel jealous of other people. I don’t wish bad things on those who have more than I do. I’m happy for those who do well.”

I didn’t give it much thought, because I was so certain it didn’t apply to me. But I’ve recently had to rethink that. It’s been painful. I’ve had to accept that what Shakespeare called “the green sickness” is hiding in my heart and eating at me.

It was hard to admit this to myself. I’m humiliated to admit it to you.

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My love of ‘fur friends’ stems from the callousness I saw in my father

By David McElroy · June 13, 2018

Boots was the only dog I had as a child. He was mostly black, but he had white around his feet — hence the name — and on his chest.

Boots lived with us for only about a year when I was 9 or 10 years old. I loved him dearly and spent a lot of time outside with him, but when we moved — only about 10 miles — Boots didn’t make the trip with us. I will never know why. I will never know what happened to him.

When we were about to move, I asked my father where Boots would stay at the new house. The yard wasn’t fenced and it was in a subdivision, not like the house in the country where we had been living. My father didn’t answer my question — and I knew better than to ever again ask a question which my father ignored.

I never saw Boots again, which hurts me and angers me to this day. Years later — when I was safely into my adult years — I asked my father why Boots didn’t move with us and what happened to him. He claimed not to even remember. He seemed unconcerned that the child in me still needed to know what happened.

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Want to really understand someone? Visit the places that shaped his past

By David McElroy · June 10, 2018

If you want to understand me, let me take you to some of the places where I’ve been. Let me explain the things that happened there. When I can tell you my stories — in the places where they took place — that’s when you’ll start to understand who I really am.

That’s true for anyone. There is a strong sense of place about our experiences. If I listen to your story and try to understand it, I won’t see it as clearly if I just understand the details of the plot. Understanding the places where those stories took place helps me find meaning in the stories.

And if you can take a person to where he or she experienced something, you’ll put the person back into a frame of mind from the past. It strips the person emotionally naked.

Old feelings come out. Old hurts, old joys, old pains and old triumphs. They all become more clear when you’re in the places where they happened.

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