My life has become a long quest to resolve a crisis of faith.
It’s not just about religion or theology, though. It’s about all of life. I didn’t even recognize what was going on when it started. At one point, everything made sense. I had a coherent worldview. That’s what I thought anyway — until the foundations of my life broke down, one by one.
When I was young, everything made sense to me. I had what seemed to be a coherent “theory of everything.” I knew The Truth, not because I had found something, but simply because I had grown up being taught exactly how things ought to be.
My understanding of The Truth wasn’t just about theology or God or anything so narrow. I had an integrated set of beliefs about reality. About everything. They all fit together — like the parts of a beautiful building.
My “theory of everything” was a work of great art which had been designed with mathematical precision — by an architect who was also a great engineer.
The central pillar of that structure of beliefs was my father. Even though I now understand that my family was deeply dysfunctional, I believed that everything my father taught me was right and good. I got angry with him at times and I pushed back in small ways, but I was ultimately too afraid to rebel against this god-like father who ruled my life.

How can you help someone who doesn’t really want to keep living?
What’s the best word for those of us who just want to be left alone?
I’m paralyzed by fear my choices won’t match needs of future wife
Identity crisis might lead to integration of my inner selves
Young New Yorkers say they’re fleeing the city — Why? High taxes, low opportunities
Had enough yet? Ready to quit pretending politics changes things?
So you’ve rescued dogs and cats, but how about a baby elephant?
Briefly: Expect the unexpected as my site migrates to new servers this week