David McElroy

Do people really change?

I’ve gone back and forth about this over the years. I want to believe people change, because I want to believe in the redemptive power of love and growth. But the more I watch the people I’ve known for years, the more I’m forced to admit that people never change who they are at their core.

I’ve been agonizing over this issue lately because of reconnecting with someone I used to know quite well. We haven’t had extensive contact, but my gut tells me to be wary. He was someone I came to distrust decades ago. When circumstances brought us together recently, I thought maybe he had grown — and that maybe I had grown — enough that things would be different.

He’s changed on the outside. He’s more successful. He’s more polished. He says the sort of things that made me have some hope. But then the mask slipped this week — and I saw the ugliness that pushed me away from him long ago.

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