David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

relationships

Few things satisfy like giving thoughtful gifts to those we love

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I’m cursed with the desire to give gifts to those I love.

There are few things that delight my heart like having a flash of inspiration about what a woman would love and then rushing off to excitedly make the purchase. When I get such an idea, I’m like an impatient child at Christmas. I can’t wait for this oh-so-perfect gift to arrive or to be delivered.

When I have the right kind of relationship with a woman who wants gifts from me, it’s a magical experience. I honestly don’t want anything in return. I just want to experience her joy at receiving something from me which she honestly appreciates.

It’s when I don’t have such a relationship — when there’s someone I would love to give to, but I can’t — when it becomes a curse. And it seems to be something which I can’t turn off.

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Do great dreams really come true or do they just serve to haunt us?

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It was all just a dream — but it seemed so real.

I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind today and my emotions go back and forth between euphoria and bitterness. It’s unlike any dream I remember having. I woke up believing it had really happened.

Even when I made my one short film more than 10 years ago, I didn’t care about the film festival experience. I knew it was good exposure — and I wanted my film to be accepted in more places than the 20 which screened it — but I was ambivalent about the experience of attending.

Some filmmakers dream of having their films accepted at Sundance or some of the other big name festivals. That had never been that big a deal to me — at least emotionally — until I dreamed last night that I was at Sundance — with my wife — for a screening of a film.

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Apologize while you still can, because you’ll live with regret

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She was hurt and scared that night as we talked about our relationship. We had planned to get married, but our relationship was spinning out of control. I was losing interest and she didn’t understand why she was losing me. At that point, I didn’t even understand why I was pulling away.

As we sat in my car that night, she was crying and telling me how unhappy she was with how things were between us. I knew I needed to end the relationship, but I was afraid to let her go.

In her intense frustration and despair, she said something that offended me. Wait. Let me back up. It wasn’t what she said, but the specific way in which she said it that upset me. The specifics don’t matter. In the middle of her pouring out her heart about hurt and unhappiness, I chose to get upset about her choice of words.

I angrily stormed out of the car and slammed the door, walking off and leaving her there.

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