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David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

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longing

‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’

By David McElroy · October 27, 2019

I don’t know how to get home. I’m not sure I’ve ever been there.

I’m not from this place. Not really. Yes, I was born here. On this planet, in this state, not far from where I sit. But I look around and know with certainty these are not my people. I don’t really understand them and they don’t understand me. We might as well be from different planets.

I’ve been looking for home since I was a small child. We didn’t stay any place for very long. From the beginning, it was a painful blur.

Birmingham, Washington, Atlanta, Knoxville, Meridian, Anniston, Oak Grove, Pensacola, Jasper.

It was a long line of new places, new people, new situations. I had a mother, then I didn’t. I had stability, then I didn’t. I craved love and attention and approval, but being perfect was the only way I knew to pursue them. And I wasn’t perfect.

I’ve longed for something all my life. I didn’t know what to call it. I’ve longed to find my home.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, home, longing, love

My bad teen poetry suggests I’ve always hungered for missing love

By David McElroy · September 28, 2019

I could still show you the spot where Gail introduced herself to me back in the eighth grade at Jasper Junior High School.

It was just a few weeks into the school year. I was near the library in a downstairs hallway. It was between classes, so the hall was crowded with students. But within seconds, it would seem as though there was nobody there other than this beautiful blue-eyed girl and me.

Gail said she had realized that our fathers worked together, so she wanted to introduce herself. I don’t remember what else was said. But it was love at first sight for me — or whatever it is that a 13-year-old boy is mature enough to feel.

For the next three years, I was crazy about her and worshipped her, mostly from afar. By the time we were high school juniors, the fever had ended and she was just another classmate. When we were seniors, we were casual friends. In the second semester of our freshman year of college, we started dating. We were together for three years and even got engaged before eventually going our separate ways.

I didn’t know it then — and rarely realized it later — but my lifelong pursuit of the right woman to love me had its roots in an unconscious childhood need for love which I couldn’t find.

I came to identify love with painful longing.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: childhood, hurt, longing, mother, need, psychology

The love I crave seems beyond horizon, always out of my reach

By David McElroy · July 2, 2019

I miss her.

I don’t want to miss her. I don’t want to think about her. I don‘t want to talk about her. I just want the hole in my heart to be filled. I want something else — someone else, another love, another desire, anything positive — to fill empty place in my heart.

But there’s a steady drumbeat inside every part of me. It’s as regular as my own heartbeat. It’s a constant companion. No matter what I do, it reminds me.

I miss her.

She’s the sun beyond the horizon at sunset, casting a powerful and colorful glow on every part of my world — but completely out of my view, completely out of my reach. She’s as close as the warmth of sun on my skin, but as far away — and as mysterious and fleeting — as the changing colors of the reflected sunlight. She’s so near, but so far.

I miss her.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: longing, love, pain, psychology

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I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just south of Birmingham to catch this sunset shot on the way home from work Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Just after I left the office Friday afternoon, I s Just after I left the office Friday afternoon, I saw this beautiful sunset and had to stop to record it. I accidentally shot it with too high an ISO, so it’s far more grainy than it should have been. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I love the way the moon looks through the bare bra I love the way the moon looks through the bare branches of a tree in my front yard tonight. On a cold night such as this one, it can sometimes seem as though the winter will never end and spring will never arrive. #nature #naturephotography #sky #night #tree #moon #birmingham #alabama
Ever since a neighbor strung some decorative light Ever since a neighbor strung some decorative lights in his back yard a year or so ago, I’ve been trying to figure out how to photograph them. In person, the effect is stunning on the yard, but I’ve struggled to figure out any sort of perspective that would be interesting. I’m still not entirely happy with this, but it’s th best I’ve been able to come up with so far. #lights #backyard #birmingham #alabama
It’s 27 degrees in Birmingham after midnight, bu It’s 27 degrees in Birmingham after midnight, but the thick fog covering my neighborhood right now makes it feel magical enough to ignore the miserable cold for a few minutes. #nature #naturephotography #fog #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
As I was getting into the car after work just afte As I was getting into the car after work just after 5 p.m., I looked up and saw this beautiful full moon shining through the bare limbs of a nearby tree. #nature #naturephotography #tree #moon #birmingham #alabama
Here are the top nine photos I’ve posted on this Here are the top nine photos I’ve posted on this account in 2020, as determined by your “likes.” #topnine
It’s very foggy in my neighborhood as Lucy and I It’s very foggy in my neighborhood as Lucy and I take our walk late Saturday night. #nature #naturephotography #fog #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
The moonlight is bright and widely diffused in the The moonlight is bright and widely diffused in the heavy fog in my neighborhood tonight. #moonlight #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
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Molly contemplates life late Monday night as she r Molly contemplates life late Monday night as she relaxes on her warming pad in the office. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
You might have noticed that Thomas always insists You might have noticed that Thomas always insists on wearing his white vest for photos. He’s very proper. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I’m having dinner at a restaurant and just check I’m having dinner at a restaurant and just checked on the cats via CritterCam, which showed Thomas, left, and Merlin cuddled up as they slept. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is enjoying the warm Saturday afternoon sun Merlin is enjoying the warm Saturday afternoon sunshine in an office window. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
It’s a few minutes after 2 a.m. and it’s 27 de It’s a few minutes after 2 a.m. and it’s 27 degrees outside, but Lucy has decided it’s time to go for another walk. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas poses for a rather introspective Friday por Thomas poses for a rather introspective Friday portrait. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Thomas seems to think he’s a big cat as he explo Thomas seems to think he’s a big cat as he explores the office under my desk at lunch Friday. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
When Lucy went outside tonight, she didn’t seem When Lucy went outside tonight, she didn’t seem happy that it was so cold. She quickly let me know she was ready to come back inside. Once inside, she just looked at me with this puzzled look, as though she seemed to think maybe I could turn up the heat outside if I really wanted to. I’m convinced that our dogs believe we are gods. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
I just checked the remote CritterCam at home from I just checked the remote CritterCam at home from work and found all three of the cats cuddled up on their warming pad in an office chair. From left, it’s Molly, Thomas and Merlin. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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Tyler Barnes will never be a basketball star. He probably peaked as a star high school player in Louisville, Ky. But for the last four years, he’s been a walk-on player for the University of Alabama. He’s a chemical engineering major with lots of academic honors who rides the bench because he loves being part of a team. He sometimes gets into games with a minute or two to go, but only if Alabama has a big lead. This Saturday, it was senior day for Alabama basketball, so it was his last chance to play in Coleman Coliseum. Alabama Coach Nate Oats says that one of the team starter’s came to him an hour before the game started — and fellow senior Alex Reese asked Oats if Barnes could start in his place for this one game. Even though the game was huge for Alabama, which is ranked No. 6 in the country and trying to wrap up an SEC title, Oats agreed. Barnes started and played the first three minutes, grabbing what was only the fourth rebound of his career and missing his only shot. Barnes has a great future as an engineer, but you’ll never again hear from him as a basketball player. For three shining minutes Saturday, though, he was a starter for a top-10 college basketball team — and his parents were in the stands from Kentucky to see it. There’s a lot of ugliness in college basketball right now, but this story makes me happy.

It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode in the car with me. She was on her way to her “forever home” with me that night, but she didn’t know it, so she was terrified. It was a much happier and braver girl who took a ride in the car tonight so we could go through a drive-through window and order a hamburger for her — to celebrate five years with me. She had a great time. If she could remember five years ago tonight, she would be proud of how far she’s come, too. If you’d like to know more about Lucy’s journey from scared dog to brave queen of the household, here’s something I wrote after her first year with me. I’m hoping this girl will have many more happy years with me.

I’ve never been attracted to skinny women. There’s nothing wrong with someone who’s naturally thin, but it’s never been my preference. What has shocked me, though, is the judgment I’ve heard from women all through my life — about themselves and others — about who’s “fat.” I concluded long ago that most women in our culture have been brainwashed to believe that skinny is attractive — and that anything other than skinny is ugly. I first assumed that I was the oddball — for preferring women with bigger and heavier bodies — but I’m coming to the conclusion that most men naturally feel this way to one extent or another. I just ran across new research by a couple of Northwestern University psychology professors that shows that women seriously overestimate how much a straight man will be attracted to a skinny woman. In a perfect world, we would all be at a healthy weight, but when it comes to attractiveness, too heavy is more attractive than skinny. At least to me — and to a lot of men, too.

Years ago, I heard a question that seemed very insightful at the time. You’ve probably heard it, too. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? The question is intended to help you uncover things you really want to do, but which you’re afraid to try — for fear of failure. In an interview today, I heard the great marketing guru Seth Godin give a different point of view. He said the better question is to ask what you would do even if you knew it would fail. That struck me as far more insightful than the original version. We ought to be doing what we know is right, not what will maximize our success or praise from others. There are some battles that are worth fighting even if you believe you’re doomed to failure. Those battles are often for love or important ideas or our children. Some things are simply worth fighting for — and the truth is that you might win anyway. Do the right thing. Take the chance.

The more I understand about myself, about human nature and about the nature of reality, the more I realize I’m a radical by the standards of both Modernism and Postmodernism. Seeing the things which I’m stumbling toward makes me an enemy of many of the core ideas upon which contemporary culture is built. It exposes the culture as a monstrous lie — like a dangerous infection that’s slowly destroying what human were created to be. My “inner observer” has always known that truth was found in the ideas of the Enlightenment, but I’m slowly finding words to explain what has merely been instinct until now. The Enlightenment was humanity’s great leap forward, but shallow and arrogant thinkers for the next two centuries threw away the fruits of that achievement. We can’t go forward as a species until we go back to correct this intellectual and spiritual error — and part of that is acknowledging that our collective attempts to do away with our Creator will always fail.

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