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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Spoiled brat sues White Castle because he can’t fit into a booth

By David McElroy · September 13, 2011

Stockbroker Martin Kessman might be 64 years old, but he’s behaving more like a 6-year-old recently. The 290-pounder in Nanuet, N.Y., is suing the White Castle hamburger chain because he can’t get his fat body into the booths built for people considerably smaller. He claims the chain is violating his rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act. I’m not kidding.

As you can see in the photo, our rotund hamburger fiend is able to get into the booth, but he claims it’s not comfortable enough. I’d suggest he be arrested and carted off, but stupidity still isn’t against the law.

It’s easy to make fun of this idiot — and I take great pleasure in doing so — but the bigger issue isn’t one moron suing a restaurant. No, the bigger issue is that we’ve become a society of people who believe we’re entitled to get our way — even when we’ve created the problem we’re whining about.

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Police won’t do their job, but they’ll ticket you for doing it for them

By David McElroy · September 12, 2011

In South Pasadena, Calif., a traffic light went out at a major intersection Thursday morning. Traffic was backed up more than a mile and getting through the intersection took more than half an hour — until a private citizen stepped up to direct traffic.

Alan Ehrlich put on a bright orange shirt and grabbed a couple of orange safety flags and started directing traffic. He had the traffic unsnarled and moving within about 10 minutes. Then police showed up.

They weren’t there to take over directing traffic, because the police chief says this particular traffic light isn’t a priority. They also weren’t there to thank Ehrlich for helping fix the problem. No, they were there to issue him a ticket for interfering. The police chief told an LA television station that it’s safer to allow traffic to back up than to allow someone to direct traffic.

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Can we teach kids to love home without making it a statist religion?

By David McElroy · September 12, 2011

When I was growing up, I was a very patriotic little kid. I had a U.S. flag hanging in my room and I read U.S. history and surrounded myself with information about why the United States was great. I was the poster child for the patriotic little kid that many people want their own kids to be.

At this point in my life, I’m disturbed by what I grew up learning and with what I became. It leaves me wondering how we can teach children to be mindful of their communities and appreciative for where they were born, but without turning them into the mindless acolytes of state religion that results from patriotism in most cases.

For many people, patriotism has become nothing more than worship of the government that rules the land they were born in. It’s a kind of statist religion that demands slavish devotion to a government whether it’s right or wrong. I certainly don’t want to teach the future children I hope to have to hate the land in which they were born, but I don’t want them blindly obeying a government, either. How can we strike a balance?

I have three ideas that I think might create better outcomes. See if you think these would help strike a middle ground.

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  • FRIDAY FUNNIES

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Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the Donald Trump has figured out who to blame for the the D.C. Reflecting Pool turning green. The dastardly deed was carried out by a specially trained squad of Antifa cats trained by the Far Left. It’s not his fault. Arrest all the cats! #satire #parody
This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmar This was the sunset that faced me as I left Walmart near my house just a few minutes ago. It was a beautiful light show for just a few minutes.
Here’s proof that reality and satire are indisting Here’s proof that reality and satire are indistinguishable these days.
This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot out This was the sunset I saw from the parking lot outside of the Walmart near my house just after the sun went down Friday evening.
This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy This little parody was inspired by my trip to buy gas a little while ago. Even at a no-name brand, the price was $4.09. If I remember correctly, it was $2.29 a gallon at the same station on the day the war started. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of winning. 🤣
For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, For the best and most sophisticated in lawn care, check out the sponsor of one of my upcoming YouTube video episodes. 🙃 #parody #threestooges
Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
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By the time I got back home, it was dark outside a By the time I got back home, it was dark outside and pouring rain. Alex had taken over my chair in the bedroom. His extended paw makes him look as though he’s a weather god giving orders for the storm to go away.
Sam just posed for me in an office window. I’m nev Sam just posed for me in an office window. I’m never sure whether they’re licking their chops in this way because they’re thinking about eating me. 😺
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
Oliver sometimes makes a trial run at finding the Oliver sometimes makes a trial run at finding the right lap spot, as he did here as soon as I changed clothes after work today.
From the CritterCam: Oliver is just relaxing in th From the CritterCam: Oliver is just relaxing in the cat bed on my desk as he watches the neighborhood on the side of the house. Even though Alex uses this bed more than the others do — by far — this was the bed that came with Oliver when he was a kitten, so he deserves to use it all he wants.
Alex can’t think of any good reason for him to be Alex can’t think of any good reason for him to be awake at 6:30 a.m., so he’s ignoring me entirely right now.
Alex and I have been spying on the neighborhood ve Alex and I have been spying on the neighborhood very late Tuesday night. I’ve been trying to get to bed since about midnight, but now that it’s 3:30 a.m., Alex and I both need to join the other boys in getting to sleep. I always like it when one of them stays up on such late nights to keep me company.
From the CritterCam: I was just reviewing some sho From the CritterCam: I was just reviewing some shots that the webcam saved from earlier in the day and noticed this one. The camera is aimed at the bed in which Alex frequently sleeps, but Oliver apparently thought he deserved to be the subject for a change, so he wandered by. I’m surprised he didn’t turn and smile at the camera. 😺
This is top secret, so don’t tell anyone, but Alex This is top secret, so don’t tell anyone, but Alex, Oliver and Sam have been hard at work on an album of feline covers of Beatles songs. If their Abbey Road covers are successful, they’ll be covering the Fab Four’s entire catalog. They’re going to be stars. 😹
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It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

The Republican Party is dead. It still exists in name, of course, but it’s nothing but a shell. All that’s left are idiots and stooges and con men of the MAGA party. When Donald Trump is gone — which won’t be long — those populist idiots and pragmatic fools will have no one to follow. Democrats will thrive. They will take more power than ever and they will push the federal government further to the radical far left than ever. When that happens, don’t just blame Trump if you’re a conservative. Blame every person who has claimed to be a conservative and has given up on principles, character and everything else that Republicans once claimed to stand for. As someone who worked as a GOP political consultant for many years, this is disgusting and disturbing to me. Those who have enabled Trump to have almost unchecked power are going to be shocked when they see what they will unleash in the long run. It’s been plain all along what this narcissistic con man is. It’s your fault that you chose to pretend not to see what he really is.

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

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